Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Same-O, Same-O, Magic 8 Ball #pezoutlaw #hollywood

Recently a visitor to the farm said thank you for your service after I mentioned that I'd been in the military.
I had to tell him that I'm not sure I'm allowed to accept that.
For that matter I've never been sure if I'm allowed to say that I'm even a veteran.

I also wonder about the whole situation now.
I joined the Marine Corps at age 17 and immediately (that very night) shipped out to boot camp.
The Marine Corps method in Boot Camp is to reduce the recruit to a blank slate then reshape you as a Marine.

What happens when this process goes wrong?
A little over a half year later the Navy Doctor diagnosed me as Schizophrenic and I was asked to leave.
No treatment was ever offered and no money to even get home, I had to hitch-hike from the east coast back to Michigan with nothing but the clothes on my back.
I was simply escorted to the front gate with nothing.
A few months later I received a discharge from the service as Medically Undesirable.
I eventually received a General Discharge.

Almost half a century later after sorting myself out without any help (except Kathy), I've begun to question a few things.
Nine months into military service my diagnosed condition manifested, yet no help or consideration was ever offered.
No help of any kind, zero.

Just seems like I got the rough end of the boot for something I never asked for and might very well have been triggered during my military service.
I gotta be honest, I'm not sure that I'm even allowed to say that I'm a veteran.

Your question is most likely.
After 50yrs why is this really on your mind?

Have you ever seen those commercials on the cable channels for VA Home Loans?
At the age of 67 and on social security, I thought what the heck and called the number.
After losing that half million dollars buying pez I was left with $250,000.00 in home and line of credit debt.
Kathy has paid it down to Approx $150,000.00 of combined debt over the last 20yrs.
Well that VA Loan thing to combine the Home Mortgage would be really sweet right about now.

The man was very polite and thanked me for my service?
Followed by the fastest Home Mortgage application known to man.
Wasn't asked to fill out a thing, just a 3 minute conversation, followed by sorry you don't qualify.
And like magic there I stood 50yrs ago at the outside of the Military Gate with nothing once again.

That is precisely why I said, "Am I Allowed To Ask"?

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.

new profile pic captures my essence

Pez Outlaw Diary

Sunday, March 11, 2018

The Past Came Calling #pezoutlaw #hollywood

It can be quite difficult to reconcile your past with who you are today.
I've been a drug addict, an alcoholic, a soldier and an Outlaw.
By far the thing that can upset who I am today most is my past as Pez Outlaw.

Pez Outlaw was flamboyant, outspoken and rich.
Yes Pez Outlaw thought he could do no wrong, he thought he was invincible.
In the end Pez Outlaw's overconfidence was his own undoing.

Pez Outlaw had to fall so that I could find myself again.
He and I are now two very different people, which is why I can at time find wearing his skin very disconcerting.

I understand when people want to meet him, He was the biggest thing that ever hit the hobby of collecting Pez, literally on a global scale.
It also surprises me how after almost 2 decades how easy it is to slip into his skin.
The trick though is remembering who I really am and to not be influenced by him.

On a separate note.
I just passed 11,000 followers on twitter, thank you for your support and interest in Pez Outlaw.
New n Improved Design For The Pez Outlaw Dispenser

There is only 1 unit of 750 Pez Pineapple Banks left at this price, just odds n ends beyond that.
If you want to come n get the Pez Pineapple Banks @$0.75 cents each.
750 piece minimum on 75 cents offer.
that works out to $562.50 for 750 pez banks.

 No-Changies, No Take Backs.

Jim Blaine stopped by yesterday to visit, What a wonderful person.
I don't see many people from the old days anymore n it was kinda nice to tell all my stories, because nobody around here really wants to hear them.
I told Jim that he'd done with great success something I never would have tried by putting on the Michigan Pez Convention.

During Jim Blaine's visit I told him many things.
Pez Outlaw was my salvation.
Pez Outlaw n I are 2 different people.
I needed to lose everything Pez Outlaw had accomplished so that I could find myself again.

If  I wrote Pez Outlaw over from scratch like this version never existed, that I would write it very differently.
The Diary though is just that a diary, a primal scream that helped me find my way home again.

Today I hate nobody, it just is what it is.

The questions.
What's my favorite pez dispenser? Easy Black Santa.
Pick  a person from that time you hold in high esteem. Easy again David Welch.
When I was at my lowest point David Welch sent me a very long email trying to comfort me n help with advice. David Welch is a stand up guy. Of couse I love Maryanne Kennedy but she's in a whole nother category.

Final note about Jim Blaine's visit.
Remember how I said I wouldn't look at the pictures you took or read your post, because it would mess my head up.
Well I looked n I read n it did indeed mess my head up.
Looking at pictures of me n reading your generous words was like driving by a car wreck, I just couldn't look away. smiley face.

It was wonderful to meet you Jim n I wish your endeavors all the best.
Like I told Jim, Pez Outlaw n I are 2 different people.
I might be the caretaker of all of Pez Outlaws stories but he also belongs to all of you in the pez community as well, because he would never have existed without all of you.
My deepest hope is that his memory will one day be cherished by all of you.

I'm just an old guy driving his tractor n talking to his friends, the horses n dogs.
FYI. Jim met Billy Dog n The Wild Bunch. That was the Cool Part.

The Yard Gnome

The only problem is that all of the attention threw me  off balance.
I looked at the pictures n read the posts n that was a big mistake.
I should've politely ignored both.

I know that every day I spend a great deal of time promoting Pez Outlaw, but I do it without internalizing him.
You might say I'm Pez Outlaws agent n PR team, but I maintain a separation from him.
Years ago I poured all of my adventures into the character Pez Outlaw so that he could carry all that n I could move on.
That careful separation gets blurred when I meet people that want to meet him.

Pez Outlaws life is to big for me to wear.
It's complicated.

I want a Do-Over, lets try this again.

Did you know that the pins you get at conventions originated from the 1st California Pez Convention.
I originated it n called it the CACDC, "I Think"?
Anyway when I put that convention on I was knee deep in creating Cloisonne Pins.
In all I created between 30 n 50,000 Cloisonne Pins, cartoon characters, pez type n advertising type.
Want to hear something crazy.
I had a hell of a time finding any kind of picture of the very 1st Pez Convention pin ever made.
All I could find was this drawing.

I called the 1st California pez convention the CA. CDC  (California Candy Dispenser Convention) because I did not want to nor did I talk to Pez Corporation in any way shape or form about the Convention.
But the CA. CDC was the 1st pez convention held in California and the very 1st pez convention pin ever given away at a convention was mine at the CA. CDC in 1995..

Oh my god I just realized that that convention was almost a quarter century ago. Time hits me like a ton of bricks now. After working with tunnel vision on pez outlaw for almost 2 decades I poke my head up every so often n get smacked by the passage of time.

This Picture was generously provided by Judy Mesler 

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence

Pez Outlaw Diary 

A Jail Cell to Vietnam #pezoutlaw #hollywood

If you were in the Military but after 9 months they decide that the Vietnam war would be better without your participation, Are You A Veteran?
I've wondered about this a lot lately.

How do I explain the price to a mind in desperation. 
What appears of unique value had a cost of decades.

The pain is well hidden but should be cherished.
Wisdom is gained through the survival of adversity.

Treat what you are labeled with by others as your tool box.
Your view of this world is unique, a perspective unattainable by others.

Cherish who you are, don't allow others to define you.

The story I'm about to tell had a very deep cost.
I slept with the light on for about a year following all this n it took about 20yrs to bounce back from the damage to me mentally.

So here is the hitch hiking story.
This all happened near the end of my time in the Marine Corp.  

In 1968 I decided one weekend to hitch hike my way home to see my girlfriend. A rather normal thing. Except on the way back to Quantico Virginia I was arrested for hitch hiking on the Ohio turnpike. I spent the next 30 days in county jail because I had also forgotten to get permission from the Marines. In short I did not have a pass. Being detached to the US ARMY at the time for schooling as a Cartographic draftsman. A map maker. It took the Marines a month to realize I was gone.

Fact is I could have cared less. Going through a crazy period, I had a great time. My status was AWOL, absent without leave. This gets you a private room, Maximum security in county lockup. So for the next few weeks I spent my time sleeping or messing with the guards. Here is an example of what I thought was fun at the time. The maximum security cell I was in had walls on 3 sides. The only side that had bars was the front. For me personally having your toilet in plain sight for all to see was less than modest. One morning I decided to do something about it. I used my Sunday newspaper to build a fourth wall, by weaving it through the bars. Ah privacy at last. Which I promptly took advantage of. Once I had relieved myself, the guards discovered my renovations. The guards were not pleased at all with my gesture of defiance. They promptly took it all down. Like I said crazy is easy.

Other than that I read books and slept. Until I was informed one day that a mass murderer of some kind had arrived. The State of Ohio needed my cell to house him. So off to general population I went. Not pleased at all with this turn of events.  I took the first opportunity to object, when meal time rolled around.  I took the tin tray of food being handed to me through the bars and tossed it on the closest guards.

Food fights on TV are a great source of humor. In county lockup not so much. I was placed in the hole. The hole in this jail was a 4 foot by 4 foot metal closet.  Inside The Hole was a small metal stool fixed to the floor in the middle of the room. The stool was meant to complicate an already small space. After a few hours the guard came by and said. We will let you out, if you promise to behave. I asked him. Can I go back to maximum security? He said nope, general population. I told him. I like the hole just fine. After all, it was a private room. For days they kept asking and I kept answering. No thank you, I liked it here in the hole. Finally after a few days the mass murderer was transferred out of county. So the hitch hiker was moved back to maximum security. Crazy is easy.

The rest of the Hitch Hiking story. Before I tell this part of the story I want to establish a few things. I love and respect the US Marine Corp. I also have the greatest admiration for the men and women who serve in it. The Marine Corp didn't fail me. I fail the United States Marines. I was only a Marine for nine months. That being said. The things I learned have been with me throughout my life. The Marines, Kathy and my mother each had a hand in establishing my moral compass. I haven't always measured up to it, but it is how I try to live.

I joined the Marines to escape my life of drug use and drinking since I was 15 years old. I came to the Marines already damaged goods. Also remember.  I was 17, then just turned 18 years old when this all happened. Please also remember that this was roughly 1969 during the Vietnam war. When I said warts and all I meant it. Even the parts I would rather forget. Problem is if I don't tell the whole story, you won't understand who I am. Why things that don't seem normal to you, seem very normal to me. We are all the sum and total of our life experiences.

Finally after about 30 days maximum security in the county jail of Ohio, I was escorted to my transportation back to the Marine Corp. You see my mother had been burning up the phone lines with the Marines to gain my release. When I arrived back at Quantico, I had to stand before my commanding officer. He told me my mother had assured him that I was a good boy. That he was going to handle everything administratively. Basically he was embarrassed. Nobody even knew I was gone. Having been detached to the army for training. Nobody had actually been keeping track of where I was. I had fallen through the cracks for over a month. Resulting in my 30 days of county lockup in Ohio.

Having missed my training as a map maker. 

I now had a "ONE WAY" ticket to Vietnam. 

I had one tiny problem with this. I knew if the Viet-cong didn't get me, someone from my own team might. I did not fit in anymore. My team player skills have always sucked. I'm not good with authority.  The indoctrination from boot camp, had worn off. I was again thinking independently and challenging everybody. In Vietnam this would have been a liability that would have gotten other people killed. Not being totally gone, even I knew what being fragged was. So when my commanding officer asked me if I had anything to say. Not wanting to die at 18 years old.  I indeed had a lot to say. After all why should now be different. I always had something to say or at least an opinion.

For the next 15 minutes, I had a lot to say. I told him that while on leave after boot camp I had taken LSD and shot Heroin. He asked if I had done LSD before joining the Marine Corp? I told him I had. Truth was, I had used LSD many, many times. There was one time period alone, when I had approximately 12 tabs of some blue concoction called purple haze or something. I remember vividly, it being rolled in paper like a pack of Necko's candy. Yes, I used most all of them. This was just one time period, not counting Mescaline/peyote. Sheets of paper with dozens of drops of LSD on it. Along with many other colors in tablet form. Yes sir, I had done a lot of LSD. Including freaking out twice, which back then was defined as a bad trip. Like I said I had also shot Heroin for the first time while on leave after boot camp.

All this rocked him back a bit. Thing is, I hadn't even gotten to the good part yet. Not wanting to leave my C.O. hanging I launched into the rest of the story. This part of the story is also true. What can I say. I had problems. I also was a major knuckle head.

I told my C.O. that I had been getting drunk and trying to cut my toes off. He asked me if I was telling the truth? Yes sir it is the truth. With what? A hatchet I bought at a hardware store. Where is this hatchet? In my locker. I was immediately placed under guard outside his office while two Marines went through my locker. After they found the hatchet, another guard was added to my detail which immediately escorted me to the base Psychiatrist.

The part I didn't tell him was, I had also tried on several occasions to get a friend to drive his car over my ankle. Honestly at a certain point there is such a thing as to much crazy. Rubber room or freedom. Skip the car part.

The shrink thought they had over reacted. After hearing my story he asked me. Do you still want to cut your toes off? I answered with a question. Do you think I will be discharged from the Marine Corp? His answer was very clear. Yes, you will definitely be discharged. Then no, my toes will survive. I was diagnosed Schizophrenic with masochistic tenancies. Today it would be called obsessive compulsive with a pinch of bipolar. Over the next month while I waited to go home my locker was inspected a couple more times. Not wanting to disappoint. I tried to make sure to have a hatchet in the locker for them to find. Which they would promptly take. Only to have it replaced with another. At this point, I was just screwing with them. Making them crazy was my new hobby.

Making them crazy was my new hobby. Isn't it funny how history repeats itself. Again now it's my job to make Pez Corporation nuts, by screwing with them as much as possible. Note, this is not a full time job, I only do what I can in my spare time, now that Pez Outlaw Diary is basically done.
After a while the Marine just let me leave. I hitch hiked home, while they handled my discharge. Believe it or not. Thanks to Jimmy Carter and the Red Cross. I now have a General discharge from the Marine Corps. That's like a "B" in school grades. Since all I ever got in school were "Cs". I guess it"s not so bad.

I left the Marines with a GED and an arm that aches, when the weather changes. You see, while being detached to the US Army I dislocated my elbow. This happened while I was doing the Armies obstacle course. My elbow was dislocated bad enough to require traction in the hospital for about a week. The Army enjoyed messing with the Marines detached to them for schooling. I always figured it was some kind of an inferiority complex.

Another quick story. Shortly after getting home I joined the Lansing chapter of the White Panthers or as I fondly remember them The Lansing Cocaine Club. Activities seemed to center around, staring out windows and mistaking Mailmen for FBI Agents. The result of Cocaine induced paranoia. Luckily I got bored and moved on after about a week.

This all must seem unbelievable, truth be told this isn't even everything.
There are still parts of this story that I've never shared.
Trigger words; Hot shower n Boots.
What can I say.  I led the charmed life of an imbecile.

Every day now it seems someone is being exposed n past behavior being revealed.
Precisely why I decided to tell you myself.
I will not live in fear of a past that made me who I am.

new profile pic captures my essence


Pez Outlaw Diary
for the rest of the story

Popcorn 8 #dk #pezoutlaw #hollywood

After writing this post I wonder if I wasn't being a bit to strident about everything?
Rest assured that if you buy the rights to Pez Outlaw Diary, I will support any decisions you make about the story or casting.
I get bored n was just trying to have a little fun while I wait.
If you buy Pez Outlaw Diary n choose to script my role, I will learn my lines n not deviate.

JB fanboy?
That said, here's the post.

It would be unkind to mention Box Office or Oscar Show ratings, so I won't.
Instead I offer this suggestion.
If you want to recapture your audience, why not make a movie about the dream every one of them secretly have.
Every person in middle America dreams of having that 1 big idea that wins n gives meaning to there lives. 
Nothing about the Pez Outlaw story is foreign to Middle America, The struggle, The Win, The Loss, The refusal to give up n persevere through hard work.
When I win at the end of the movie, because of the movie, every person in Middle America Wins, because it shows them that the dreams they hold that keep them going are also possible.
I can't state that strongly enough, Movies need to give the audience hope.

I've never believed that I am better than anyone else, But I do believe that on occasion I see the moment more clearly.
I believe to my very core that I'm right about this, I think you do too.

85k Pez Outlaw, Notes From The Asylum. Movie Rights (ebay 302514126633)

At it's core I believe that a Pez Outlaw Movie is an Abbott n Costello / Laurel n Hardy Movie.
Pez Outlaw being the Lou Costello / Stan Laurel character, busily involve in absurd situations.
Joshua my son would be the Bud Abbot / Oliver Hardy character, the straight man reacting to the crazy.
Sorta a cross between "Catch Me If You Can" n "The Man Who Knew To Little".

I believe that the Irving Thalberge rule used to great success with his Marx Brothers movies should be utilized.
Show the Pez Outlaw character in a sympathetic light in the opening sequence to gain an understanding n future forgiveness of the character.
The thing that makes a TV show or Movie good to me is if I actually like, feel empathy n root for the character.
I reject so much entertainment simply because at a point I realize that I really don't like these people.
No amount of good writing will make up for characters that you don't like.

Which is why I'd make this the opening scene of the movie
an 8 year old child, (1959) Pez Outlaw being dragged to, then pushed into the classroom closet at the Maple Grove Elementary school. Darkness, then the door opens revealing Pez Outlaw 10 years later in solitary confinement county jail Ohio. 
see C1. Crazy Is Easy If You Are Motivated, #pezoutlaw
Followed by that twin propeller flight from Hell over the Austrian Alps where Pez Outlaws life flashes before him as he's about to die.
This allows the backstory reveal, then the present day decade long Pez Outlaw Adventure can unfold.

from $30,000 a year to 4.5 Million dollars earned in a decade.
Travel to Europe once a month for a decade.
The thief who ran Pez Corporation for a decade.
Then the Catastrophic decision that sealed his fate for the next 20yrs.
The final shot of the movie is a backshot of Pez Outlaw 2018 in the dark watching the move of his life being shot. The victory after 20yrs in the wilderness survived by an isolated belief in his story.

I like Jack Black to play Pez Outlaw because of his ability to deliver absurdity with a deadpan face, never revealing the secret only he knows.
grant gustin who plays Barry Allen/the Flash would be perfect to play Joshua in a Pez Outlaw Movie. 

Well there you go, The Elevator Pitch.

If they ever make the Pez Outlaw Movie or the book is published I think I'll buy a horse or a Bull Mastiff dog n name it Pez Outlaw.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.

new profile pic captures my essence

Pez Outlaw Diary   

Saturday, March 10, 2018

Rocks Float #pezoutlaw #hollywood

What an interesting n odd way to look at something.My guess is you clicked this post hunting for an enlightening metaphor. 
Of course there is one but not today, today it's about the other things that give me joy.

Yes rocks float, to clarify in dirt.
Have you ever noticed how rocks seem to work there way up to the surface.
There's a point to this. 

Over the last week I've been working on a kinda big project.
Moving a barn n creating a circle drive.
Barn was in a bog n smack in the middle of where I wanted to put the circle drive.

I'd put a large amount of rocks at the entrances to the barn.
Well if I'd left them there they'd have just work up n killed the mower.
So I dug them all out n used them as a base for the drive.

The project is going well, but it would go better if I had any money.
What I wouldn't give for 5 six inch 8ft fence posts, 6 of 12ft 4x4s n 6 sheets of 3/4 OSB.
Make do n increase the labor quotient.

Temp is about 80 now n the work has been brutal.
Chores, manure removal, getting hay, then the projects.
4 hrs to mow, then weed whacking, plus the gardens.

Yesterday was stump removal day, got 5 of them out, 3 to go.
Did I mention that I do this shit alone.
Well me the tractor n Billy Dog.

This morning I got up n to my surprise I felt pretty good.
Felt like crapp for about a week.
Just plain wore out.

When I was a child I played football in 9th n 10th grade.
Workouts began in August.
We're talking exercise till you puke workouts.

This spring has been that same kind of rough.
10 days ago I thought I was getting back in shape after winter.
Silly Rabbit.

The last week has been a whole new level of tired.
You push up to the line n hydrate.
Collapse n do it again the next day n the next day.

I know where the line is.
Muscles start cramping from fatigue.
You needed to stop half hr ago. 

Hydrate, Hydrate, Hydrate.
I drink 48 oz of water in summer each day while I work.
I also drink 16 oz of Electric Lights liquid. 

Electric lights is intentional so no comments.
I'll live in my world, you live in yours.
My ways more fun.

Then you wake up one morning n you don't feel to bad.
Actually feel kinda good.
I like work, it keeps the mind busy.

Anyway, Rocks Float.

I just realized something.
I'm not invested in any particular post.
Me, just talking. 
I'm perfectly happy to let readers decide what they like.

here's what you think.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence

Pez Outlaw Diary

Big Fish Mystery #pezoutlaw #hollywood

Case File 19. 

15 years ago I was in Paris.
No idea what the future held.
Do I really want to know?

Shadows fall.
How do I fit my dreams into this reality?
The Absurdity of life is intoxicating.

Don't tell people what you know is true.
Wear the face people expect to see. 
Mustn't appear different.

I keep going back to 51% Sane.
Are you ready for what's coming?
Maybe I wasn't

Bones in the crawl space? 
If not for crazy, reality would kill me. 
The shame of Time lost.

The cycle repeats.
My Angel is gone. 
Maybe Today.

Nothing is fixed.
Neglected past, unrecognized present.
Fantasy the last refuge.

The tears of a child for his future.
A window from that moment to this?
Is it yet to come?

I can't control how others see me.
That's their truth.
Crazy would be to try.

Truth revealed itself.
Shame fell away.
Darkness claimed it's own.

I'd like to share a thought.
Once you leave this Earth n a Thousand years go by.
Do you really think that belief you held to the point of Hatred matters as much as you thought once nobody even remembers you?

Champion, Rocks Float , 12,000 views.
4 posts in Notes From The Asylum have well over 6,000 views each.

NFTA currently is at 575,000 views overall. 
My twitter page has had approx 5million impressions.


"Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night" by Dylan Thomas

I like to think of life like the the stars in the sky.
Each star is a moment in time or a thought.
With NFTA I try to pluck some of those moments to create a stream of thought.

I understand that abstract thought is not every-bodies cup of tea.
Those that don't get or like it, don't.
Those that do, I treasure.

Life is just the agreed upon version of crazy.
My search is connect the unconnected dot that we usually can't see.
Big Fish was a gift, that I'm very grateful for.

The title always comes first.
The words fall down underneath it.
The Universe in all its forms will speak to you if you are listening.

I have no use for the past n little for the present.
My interest is the moments in between.
Moments of clarity, a brief conversation with the unseen.

Reality is tedious, but moments of clarity are delicious.
I live each day in the hope of those brief moments.
I don't get them every day or even once a week, but often enough that I wait for each one.

That's why I'm so grateful for Big Fish.
The title is the key that unlocks the door.
Within is that which feeds my soul. 

Abstract thought is like dancing between raindrops n not getting wet.
The raindrops of the past, the present n the future.
What I want can only be found between the drops of rain.


I really like Big Fish Mystery.
In my attempts to create abstraction with words, to date it's my best.
I really hope that you agree. 

Big Fish is now at over 5,000 views n at the top of my A-List. 
When you love something it feels really good to see approval. 

? some perspective might shed light.
I have cut approx 300 of the 520 posts I've written.
It used to be I cut a post if it only achieved 250 views in say 4 months.
Now posts with 500+ views get cut, I only want the best on Notes From The Asylum.
Very soon that bar will be any post with less than 1,000 views will get cut from NFTA.
Number of views are like ratings here at the Asylum, just like TV low ratings get cut.

Notes From The Asylum is just under 2yrs old.
It used to take 6months to a year for a post to hit 1,000 views.
Only 2 other posts have had this type of success out of the 500 posts I've written n the 194 that have survived on NFTA.
That said though over a dozen posts are now at over 4,000 views ea.
1 post is at over 7,000 views, 2020 ☑️ PEZ OUTLAW FOR PRESIDENT #pezoutlaw #holly...

Of all the things I've done in my life, I would find the most gratification in Notes From The Asylum being published. 
NFTA is creation n I love that most of all.

Within the next 2 months Notes From The Asylum will reach a very big milestone.
Unfortunately, to broadcast it might not be something I should share.


To my knowledge Congress nor the President are going to pass a law giving Pez Outlaw success.

So Forgive me, I just feel if my life is gonna change, I gotta do it.
Various administrations come n they go, my destiny is up to me.
So Holidays etc, I continue to work. 

Other peoples good fortune is there's not mine.
I choose not to live through there success or failure.
To do so would diffuse my efforts. 

Congratulations n good luck but honestly it will not change my life.
Only my efforts can be mine or change my life.
That said we continue, I have daily goals that must be met. 


Today my mood like my Boots has a lot of mud on it.
Have you ever noticed how your mood reflects the weather?

Yesterday one of the gals had a really good day with her horse.
She was walking around on cloud 9 n didn't want the day to end.

It's all perspective isn't it.
I've been slogging around in 4 inches of mud for 4 days now, so my perspective is different.

It's all where you stand.
Nice hard ground n enclosed arena or out in the pens like me n the horses.

Of all the posts I've written in Notes From The Asylum, Big Fish n Secrets are my favorites. 

Totally off subject.
Recently I was made aware of a Blue Dog needing a home.
I just couldn't, I need a Big Red Dog.
Like Maggie Thatcher said, I'm getting Wobbly.
Big Red Dogs (Bull Mastiff's) are my Spirit Guides. 
Yes, I believe in that stuff with all my heart.
It's been to long.

Just dawned on me, maybe that's her name.

When you ask to be friended or follow me, make sure it's what you really want, because I'm relentless in pursuit of my goals.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence

Pez Outlaw Diary

Secrets #pezoutlaw #hollywood

My grandson wants my life n I want my dog Proby's life.

Revealing truth is liberating.
Withholding truth makes you vulnerable.
Secrets are a cancer on your soul.
Yet life is filled with secrets.

You can't live without relationships.
Though the maintenance is set with Booby-traps.
One wrong step n that spiky thing comes at you.
When did it get so complicated.

You'd think honesty would protect you.
Some days I get wore out from careful conversation. 
The truth is, you can't be honest with people.
Total honesty repels people. 

I just apologized to a friend for saying what's on my mind.
I wish it was the first time.
I told him that I seem to have a talent for making people not want to talk to me.
Just an observation, how much it matters I'm uncertain of.

So you hold your thoughts close.
Until that one person who gets you, Joshua my son says something.
N you almost scream in response, Yeah!
The response is almost a cry of relief.

Then Joshua says something else n again halfway though you shout, YEAH!
Thinking all the while, Why don't others seem to see it.
Then Josh says people are telling him he's becoming more like me by the day.
It was inevitable, I am my father, Joshua is me n Danny or Jake will be Joshua.

So what's the point?
There is none, just frustration.
People say they want the truth or an honest answer, but they really don't.
They want to hear whatever version makes them feel OK with themselves.

Problem is that I usually know what I want and what I think.
Where I get in trouble is when I share it.
Are there rules I don't know how to follow?
Is this written down somewhere?

I've met people who look scared at the thought of saying what they want.
N if you press them, it angers them, like I'm somehow not respecting the process.
I see this over n over and I still don't understand it.
I am willing to accept what I want, To some what they want is a process.

People say I get there to quick, n that I'm impatient.
The thing is that I know what I want n time is slipping away.
With Pez, What made me different?
Really simple. I saw something n I acted on it, while others thought about acting. 

I'm as puzzled today at almost 65 as I was a child of 5. 
I'm not delusional, I don't think that this is brilliant. 
I'm just purging. 
My imaginary shrink says I need to write things down.

It's like I told Josh, write it out straight, then make it abstract.
Because if you say it straight it offends people.
Keep it vague n people can interpret the meaning to there liking.
Truth can be liberating but it can also be cruel or unwanted.

That n I believe I push to hard.
For which I'm truly sorry.
But we know I won't change.
It's like the scorpion n the river, It's my nature.

I will say this though.
I may know what I think from given information.
Though I have no idea what that information will be.
Meaning, I have no idea what the future holds.

I know what I want but it's in the hands of those pesky relationships.
N Yup you guessed it, they don't want to talk to me.
A Feller could get a complex, were it not for ego. 
I'm OK, You're OK. Are we good?

Why are people determined to draw you into the things they find interesting?
I refuse to waste my time on all the useless endeavors of others.
Computer n Cell Phone obsession is the worst, what a bunch of drivel.
Please attend this or join me at that.
Then the guilting, but it would make me happy if you did.
Does it count for nothing that it would make me miserable n potentially suicidal? 
People need to hear the word NO more.
You say NO nowadays n people react like you killed a puppy.

I remain. 
Not a Damn clue. 
Pez Outlaw.

Thank God, it's time for therapy.
Smiley Face, today we get Jello or is it Pudding?
See what I mean?

My imaginary Shrink says, It only matters if you pretend to know if it's pudding or Jello. 

The Title should have been Jello or Pudding. 
Should I change it?
I like my life, I do things the way I like.
Example is the 4 line verse I use here, just because I like it.

We went on a deep dive today.
Hopefully it was amusing. 

Of all the posts I've written in Notes From The Asylum, Big Fish n Secrets are my favorites. 
On the flip side, sometimes you delete posts because they made it sound like you care more than you actually do.
After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence

Pez Outlaw Diary