Thursday, November 16, 2017

A Jail Cell to Vietnam #pezoutlaw #hollywood

Pride is a luxury only the rich can afford.
Pride, Vanity etc, potato potato.
The humility of being honest is what we get.

I'd like to tell you my hitch hiking story. This all happened near the end of my time in the Marine Corp. Let's be honest it's just to good of a story, not to tell. Embarrassing, but since it was inevitable. I decided here in the beginning, was a good place to tell it. I could tell you a lot of malarkey about how it will give you insight into who I am. Dress it up with how determined I can be in a given situation. The truth is. It is a really good story, that I know you will find entertaining. Weird and crazy entertaining, granted but entertaining none the less.

So here is the hitch hiking story. In 1968 I decided one weekend to hitch hike my way home to see my girlfriend. A rather normal thing. Except on the way back to Quantico Virginia I was arrested for hitch hiking on the Ohio turnpike. I spent the next 30 days in county jail because I had also forgotten to get permission from the Marines. In short I did not have a pass. Being detached to the US ARMY at the time for schooling as a Cartographic draftsman. A map maker. It took the Marines a month to realize I was gone.

Fact is I could have cared less. Going through a crazy period, I had a great time. My status was AWOL, absent without leave. This gets you a private room, Maximum security in county lockup. So for the next few weeks I spent my time sleeping or messing with the guards. Here is an example of what I thought was fun at the time. The maximum security cell I was in had walls on 3 sides. The only side that had bars was the front. For me personally having your toilet in plain sight for all to see was less than modest. One morning I decided to do something about it. I used my Sunday newspaper to build a fourth wall, by weaving it through the bars. Ah privacy at last. Which I promptly took advantage of. Once I had relieved myself, the guards discovered my renovations. The guards were not pleased at all with my gesture of defiance. They promptly took it all down. Like I said crazy is easy.

Other than that I read books and slept. Until I was informed one day that a mass murderer of some kind had arrived. The State of Ohio needed my cell to house him. So off to general population I went. Not pleased at all with this turn of events.  I took the first opportunity to object, when meal time rolled around.  I took the tin tray of food being handed to me through the bars and tossed it on the closest guards.

Food fights on TV are a great source of humor. In county lockup not so much. I was placed in the hole. The hole in this jail was a 4 foot by 4 foot metal closet.  Inside The Hole was a small metal stool fixed to the floor in the middle of the room. The stool was meant to complicate an already small space. After a few hours the guard came by and said. We will let you out, if you promise to behave. I asked him. Can I go back to maximum security? He said nope, general population. I told him. I like the hole just fine. After all, it was a private room. For days they kept asking and I kept answering. No thank you, I liked it here in the hole. Finally after a few days the mass murderer was transferred out of county. So the hitch hiker was moved back to maximum security. Crazy is easy.


The rest of the Hitch Hiking story. Before I tell this part of the story I want to establish a few things. I love and respect the US Marine Corp. I also have the greatest admiration for the men and women who serve in it. The Marine Corp didn't fail me. I fail the United States Marines. I was only a Marine for nine months. That being said. The things I learned have been with me throughout my life. The Marines, Kathy and my mother each had a hand in establishing my moral compass. I haven't always measured up to it, but it is how I try to live.

I joined the Marines to escape my life of drug use and drinking since I was 15 years old. I came to the Marines already damaged goods. Also remember.  I was 17, then just turned 18 years old when this all happened. Please also remember that this was roughly 1969 during the Vietnam war. When I said warts and all I meant it. Even the parts I would rather forget. Problem is if I don't tell the whole story, you won't understand who I am. Why things that don't seem normal to you, seem very normal to me. We are all the sum and total of our life experiences.

Finally after about 30 days maximum security in the county jail of Ohio, I was escorted to my transportation back to the Marine Corp. You see my mother had been burning up the phone lines with the Marines to gain my release. When I arrived back at Quantico, I had to stand before my commanding officer. He told me my mother had assured him that I was a good boy. That he was going to handle everything administratively. Basically he was embarrassed. Nobody even knew I was gone. Having been detached to the army for training. Nobody had actually been keeping track of where I was. I had fallen through the cracks for over a month. Resulting in my 30 days of county lockup in Ohio.


Having missed my training as a map maker. 

I now had a "ONE WAY" ticket to Vietnam. 

I had one tiny problem with this. I knew if the Viet-cong didn't get me, someone from my own team might. I did not fit in anymore. My team player skills have always sucked. I'm not good with authority.  The indoctrination from boot camp, had worn off. I was again thinking independently and challenging everybody. In Vietnam this would have been a liability that would have gotten other people killed. Not being totally gone, even I knew what being fragged was. So when my commanding officer asked me if I had anything to say. Not wanting to die at 18 years old.  I indeed had a lot to say. After all why should now be different. I always had something to say or at least an opinion.

For the next 15 minutes, I had a lot to say. I told him that while on leave after boot camp I had taken LSD and shot Heroin. He asked if I had done LSD before joining the Marine Corp? I told him I had. Truth was, I had used LSD many, many times. There was one time period alone, when I had approximately 12 tabs of some blue concoction called purple haze or something. I remember vividly, it being rolled in paper like a pack of Necko's candy. Yes, I used most all of them. This was just one time period, not counting Mescaline/peyote. Sheets of paper with dozens of drops of LSD on it. Along with many other colors in tablet form. Yes sir, I had done a lot of LSD. Including freaking out twice, which back then was defined as a bad trip. Like I said I had also shot Heroin for the first time while on leave after boot camp.

All this rocked him back a bit. Thing is, I hadn't even gotten to the good part yet. Not wanting to leave my C.O. hanging I launched into the rest of the story. This part of the story is also true. What can I say. I had problems. I also was a major knuckle head.


I told my C.O. that I had been getting drunk and trying to cut my toes off. He asked me if I was telling the truth? Yes sir it is the truth. With what? A hatchet I bought at a hardware store. Where is this hatchet? In my locker. I was immediately placed under guard outside his office while two Marines went through my locker. After they found the hatchet, another guard was added to my detail which immediately escorted me to the base Psychiatrist.

The part I didn't tell him was, I had also tried on several occasions to get a friend to drive his car over my ankle. Honestly at a certain point there is such a thing as to much crazy. Rubber room or freedom. Skip the car part.

The shrink thought they had over reacted. After hearing my story he asked me. Do you still want to cut your toes off? I answered with a question. Do you think I will be discharged from the Marine Corp? His answer was very clear. Yes, you will definitely be discharged. Then no, my toes will survive. I was diagnosed Schizophrenic with masochistic tenancies. Today it would be called obsessive compulsive with a pinch of bipolar. Over the next month while I waited to go home my locker was inspected a couple more times. Not wanting to disappoint. I tried to make sure to have a hatchet in the locker for them to find. Which they would promptly take. Only to have it replaced with another. At this point, I was just screwing with them. Making them crazy was my new hobby.


Making them crazy was my new hobby. Isn't it funny how history repeats itself. Again now it's my job to make Pez Corporation nuts, by screwing with them as much as possible. Note, this is not a full time job, I only do what I can in my spare time, now that Pez Outlaw Diary is basically done.
 
After a while the Marine just let me leave. I hitch hiked home, while they handled my discharge. Believe it or not. Thanks to Jimmy Carter and the Red Cross. I now have a General discharge from the Marine Corps. That's like a "B" in school grades. Since all I ever got in school were "Cs". I guess it"s not so bad.


I left the Marines with a GED and an arm that aches, when the weather changes. You see, while being detached to the US Army I dislocated my elbow. This happened while I was doing the Armies obstacle course. My elbow was dislocated bad enough to require traction in the hospital for about a week. The Army enjoyed messing with the Marines detached to them for schooling. I always figured it was some kind of an inferiority complex.

Another quick story. Shortly after getting home I joined the Lansing chapter of the White Panthers or as I fondly remember them The Lansing Cocaine Club. Activities seemed to center around, staring out windows and mistaking Mailmen for FBI Agents. The result of Cocaine induced paranoia. Luckily I got bored and moved on after about a week.

What can I say.  I led the charmed life of an imbecile.


new profile pic captures my essence


see

Pez Outlaw Diary
for the rest of the story

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

the charmed life of an imbecile #pezoutlaw #hollywood

By the age of 19 I had been married and separated. I had also been in and out of the Marine corp. I joined the Marine Corp in 1968 to escape my druggie life style. By 1969 they decided it would be better if I went home. The diagnosis was schizophrenic with masochistic tendencies. Bare in mind, this was 1969 and if you had a pulse, that was usually good enough. I had also been in and out of a drug treatment program. For a bonus round I held an audition at a mental hospital. The audition went really well until in a moment of clarity I realized something. This realization prompted me to make the following statement. You do drugs, don't you! The response or rather lack of a response, caused the interview to be canceled. It really is a shame though, I'm positive I could have nailed that role. 

For a period of time when I worked as a Machinist, at Campbell inc press repair. I wore a straight jacket and a 1950s air raid warden helmet at work as a hardhat. Yes a Straight Jacket the kind you get in the rubber rooms of a loony bin. I bought it at a medical supply company. Then cut it, so I could wear it backwards like a jacket. On the chest area like a row of medals, I had 4 gold Catholic medals. Symbolism or just acting out, you be the judge. I like to think of it as personal performance art.

"Legend has it" that Pez Outlaw wore pink bunny slippers at Pez Conventions. The secret is that they were actually Marvin the Martian slipper. A point I find no need to correct folks on.

I find normal tedious n boring. 
Being attracted to creative over the way it's normally done makes for better stories.
I believe with all my heart that one day the Pez Outlaw story will be recognized for what crazy fun it was.

Collectors like a good story that comes with a pez dispenser. A story they can retell when showing people there collection. Ideally each dispenser has a story, something interesting about it that makes owning it interesting. If what a collector collects is interesting it makes them interesting to there friends. When each dispenser has a story it brings a collection to life & gives it meaning.

Collectors who bought from me got that story. My story. The story of this crazy guy who traveled the world buying pez. What he looks like, How he acts, the paper towel always in his left hand, the beard, the pony tail, the Hawaiian shirts n the pink bunny slippers. That's who these came from.

As a bonus while pointing at there Pez they could relate the adventures of  this crazy guy. How he traveled to Europe every month. His experiences buying pez in the black-market there. The crazy jams he got himself into. All the crazy people he did business with. The absurd amounts of money that change hands on a handshake. All these stories represented by these items in there collection. Plus the individual stories each Pez Dispenser had. It makes a collection exciting.

So yes every dispenser I sold had a story.

The pat down ritual.
On each of my 70+++ trips to Europe I needed to carry $10,000.00 - $1.
The following is how I did it.

This routine involved, my leather Passport plane ticket holder. My large zipper wallet and two pockets each holding approximately $5,000.00 cash. As a person watching, you would see a guy patting four areas of his body about 3 times each until the ritual ended. Then nope, a few seconds later four more pats just to be sure.

I always wore cargo pants, as they were the only type of trousers that provided the required pockets for large amounts of cash while traveling.

The leather passport ticket holder, went in the left front pocket of trousers. When traveling the airlines provide paper holders for tickets. Problem is you need something that keeps, tickets, passport, bill of sale and customs forms all together. As this is a group of items needed frequently together at borders, when driving or flying.

Large Zipper type wallet, right front pocket of trousers. Never carry a wallet in your back pocket while traveling, as it is just asking to be lifted. Getting a wallet out of a back pocket is easy for a thief, bump and gone. Getting a wallet out of a front trouser pocket, is much harder as you will notice a hand near your groin area. The wallet is for your show money. Containing an amount you allow others to see when paying for items while you travel. Make the amount in the wallet a believable amount ($300 to $400) so if robbed they feel they got your money. Yet an amount you could afford to lose and not damage your goal.


Two Zip locked bags containing approximately $5,000.00 cash each, usually in 20s, sometimes 50s. One packet per left and right leg pocket with snaps on pockets. Never open these pockets in public. Only in a rest room stalls or the hotel room, to refill your wallet. A thief would need to crawl the floor to get at these pockets. This is something you would notice. While traveling your body develops a SPIDEY SENSE for these four areas.

For me it became instinct when leaving one area to another to do the ritual 4 pat, pat down. Get bumped while walking, do the pat down. It is also very important to be aware of your surroundings. Notice where people are around you. Could what they are doing potentially involve you? Don't be friendly. Your friends are at home, you have enough friends. Be polite but maintain your space. I also minimized my exposure to potential problems by only conducting business or once a day walking to a meal. Other than that I stayed in my hotel room. In over 70 trips I carried well over $500,000.00 cash in small bills. I was never robbed, never even came close to being robbed.

One more thing about the 2 ziplock bags containing just under $5,000.00 cash each. As most of the cash I took in selling Pez at shows were $20 bills, most of the bills in the ziplocks were $20s. Can you believe it, this upset people who always wanted cash. In the last couple years I would have to change $20s for $100s at banks before leaving for Europe. Very annoying. It added an unnecessary degree of exposure to the whole process. Here I am spending over half a million dollars cash in ten years with these people, yet down to the smallest details everything had to be done there way. 


new profile pic captures my essence


see

Pez Outlaw Diary
for the rest of the story

Thursday, November 9, 2017

Slippin Away #pezoutlaw #hollywood

As Day Turned To Night, Reality Slipped Away.

Yesterday was a bit unnerving for me.
My mother's been dead for about 40yrs, yet I expected her to come round the corner at any moment n tell me that it's time to come home.

This detachment from your world started when my watch was telling me it was Friday when I thought it was Thursday. (daylight savings am for pm slip up)
What bothered me the most is that I had no recollection of Thursday, nothing at all.
This error was backed up by the hay count, which also indicated it was Friday.
Add to that, the horses were still in n it was past noon.

My grip on reality is tentative at the best of times, so a lot of questions started running though my mind.
Was I dreaming? My dreams can be pretty vivid n seem quite real at times.
I used my dream escape hatch by closing my eyes real tight n opening them real fast.
Always works, nope I seem to be awake.

My father died from Alzheimer's  so I even thought maybe it was really night n this reality was the confused state that Alzheimer's victims see.

I also believe in parallel multi Universes.
You see I kinda wonder n believe that it's possible that when you die in this Universe that you immediately join with yourself in another parallel Universe to continue.
How else do you explain my survival after so many poor choices in life.

All these things went through my mind one after the other.
Here's the embarrassing thing.
I know right about here you think I'm joking or making an attempt at being clever.
Sorry I'm not that clever or funny, the sad truth is that this was my reality for about an hour.

Slowly reality crept back in, but I swear I expected at any moment my Mom would come round the next corner n say time to come home steven.

Kathy's been gone a few days n my mind gets to wandering when left untended.
Kathy is my tether to this world.

*****************************************

It's rained so much the last month that emptying the rain gauge is like pitching water out of a leaky boat.

Lately my dream has been to become rich.
Gee that's original.

I fear that my efforts are just going through the motions to pacify myself with hope.

This is not to say I'm giving up, I remain optimistic.
One of the perks of being crazy.

That said I've had to recognize certain realities and establish guidelines for future behavior.

1. Do not post anything on facebook except cute puppy pictures.
    People on facebook just don't want to hear it.
    They call it facebook friends but you know not that kind of friends, puppy pic friends actually. 

2. Each day remind yourself  "DO NOT BOTHER JEFF".  
    He's moved on.

3. Tweet less, as in maybe 1 or 2 tweets every few days.

4. Don't give up on Pez Outlaw Diary, just relax about it, you're on your own again.

5. Instead of breaking the first 4 rules, work on the Cereal box Price guide when you're bored.

I enjoy my online work but I really could live without it.
My dream is to have the money to make reality all of the projects I've been working on in my mind.
Just become Eb (Green Acres) full time, slinging a hammer n driving my tractor.
My construction n renovation dreams would take 5yrs alone. 

I'd love one day to be able to say, I understand your despair because that was me also for almost 2 decades. 
There is hope, just get up each day n do the things that are within your power to do.
Ignore to the best of your ability the things that you can't do anything about.

Try each day to find something positive to do.
The trees are still there.

6. stop promoting each post on Notes From The Asylum
The 2 If's.
If you write for yourself not approval, why do you endlessly tweet them?
If what you write has merit, people will find it.

7. Work on your Presidential campaign, recent polls are very encouraging.
    2020 ☑️ PEZ OUTLAW FOR PRESIDENT #pezoutlaw #holly...


a reminder
I can't be trusted to follow these guidelines.
guidelines are not rules.




 Pez Outlaw Diary

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Rocks Float #pezoutlaw #hollywood @pezoutlaw #NFTA

What an interesting n odd way to look at something.
My guess is you clicked this post hunting for an enlightening metaphor. 
Of course there is one but not today, today it's about the other things that give me joy.

Yes rocks float, to clarify in dirt.
Have you ever noticed how rocks seem to work there way up to the surface.
There's a point to this. 

Over the last week I've been working on a kinda big project.
Moving a barn n creating a circle drive.
Barn was in a bog n smack in the middle of where I wanted to put the circle drive.

I'd put a large amount of rocks at the entrances to the barn.
Well if I'd left them there they'd have just work up n killed the mower.
So I dug them all out n used them as a base for the drive.

The project is going well, but it would go better if I had any money.
What I wouldn't give for 5 six inch 8ft fence posts, 6 of 12ft 4x4s n 6 sheets of 3/4 OSB.
Make do n increase the labor quotient.

Temp is about 80 now n the work has been brutal.
Chores, manure removal, getting hay, then the projects.
4 hrs to mow, then weed whacking, plus the gardens.

Yesterday was stump removal day, got 5 of them out, 3 to go.
Did I mention that I do this shit alone.
Well me the tractor n Billy Dog.

This morning I got up n to my surprise I felt pretty good.
Felt like crapp for about a week.
Just plain wore out.

When I was a child I played football in 9th n 10th grade.
Workouts began in August.
We're talking exercise till you puke workouts.

This spring has been that same kind of rough.
10 days ago I thought I was getting back in shape after winter.
Silly Rabbit.

The last week has been a whole new level of tired.
You push up to the line n hydrate.
Collapse n do it again the next day n the next day.

I know where the line is.
Muscles start cramping from fatigue.
You needed to stop half hr ago. 

Hydrate, Hydrate, Hydrate.
I drink 48 oz of water in summer each day while I work.
I also drink 16 oz of Electric Lights liquid. 

Electric lights is intentional so no comments.
I'll live in my world, you live in yours.
My ways more fun.

Then you wake up one morning n you don't feel to bad.
Actually feel kinda good.
I like work, it keeps the mind busy.

Anyway, Rocks Float.

I just realized something.
I'm not invested in any particular post.
Me, just talking. 
I'm perfectly happy to let readers decide what they like.

here's what you think.




After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary





















































Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Big Fish Mystery #pezoutlaw #hollywood #NFTA





Case File 19. 


13 years ago I was in Paris.
No idea what the future held.
Do I really want to know?

Shadows fall.
How do I fit my dreams into this reality?
The Absurdity of life is intoxicating.

Don't tell people what you know is true.
Wear the face people expect to see. 
Mustn't appear different.

I keep going back to 51% Sane.
Are you ready for what's coming?
Maybe I wasn't

Bones in the crawl space? 
If not for crazy, reality would kill me. 
The shame of Time lost.

The cycle repeats.
My Angel is gone. 
Maybe Today.

Nothing is fixed.
Neglected past, unrecognized present.
Fantasy the last refuge.

The tears of a child for his future.
A window from that moment to this?
Is it yet to come?

I can't control how others see me.
That's their truth.
Crazy would be to try.


I came here expecting nothing.
Truth revealed itself.
Shame fell away.

A liberating truth.
Labels became assets.
Clarity, before darkness claims it's own.

Champion, Rocks Float , 8,560 views.
4 posts in Notes From The Asylum have well over 6,000 views each.

NFTA currently is at 510,000 views overall. 
My twitter page has had approx 5million impressions.


*******************************

"Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night" by Dylan Thomas


I like to think of life like the the stars in the sky.
Each star is a moment in time or a thought.
With NFTA I try to pluck some of those moments to create a stream of thought.

I understand that abstract thought is not every-bodies cup of tea.
Those that don't get or like it, don't.
Those that do, I treasure.

Life is just the agreed upon version of crazy.
My search is connect the unconnected dot that we usually can't see.
Big Fish was a gift, that I'm very grateful for.

The title always comes first.
The words fall down underneath it.
The Universe in all its forms will speak to you if you are listening.

I have no use for the past n little for the present.
My interest is the moments in between.
Moments of clarity, a brief conversation with the unseen.

Reality is tedious, but moments of clarity are delicious.
I live each day in the hope of those brief moments.
I don't get them every day or even once a week, but often enough that I wait for each one.

That's why I'm so grateful for Big Fish.
The title is the key that unlocks the door.
Within is that which feeds my soul. 

Abstract thought is like dancing between raindrops n not getting wet.
The raindrops of the past, the present n the future.
What I want can only be found between the drops of rain.


*******************************

I really like Big Fish Mystery.
In my attempts to create abstraction with words, to date it's my best.
I really hope that you agree. 

Big Fish is now at over 5,000 views n at the top of my A-List. 
When you love something it feels really good to see approval. 

? some perspective might shed light.
I have cut approx 300 of the 520 posts I've written.
It used to be I cut a post if it only achieved 250 views in say 4 months.
Now posts with 500+ views get cut, I only want the best on Notes From The Asylum.
Very soon that bar will be any post with less than 1,000 views will get cut from NFTA.
Number of views are like ratings here at the Asylum, just like TV low ratings get cut.

Notes From The Asylum is just under 2yrs old.
It used to take 6months to a year for a post to hit 1,000 views.
Only 2 other posts have had this type of success out of the 500 posts I've written n the 194 that have survived on NFTA.
That said though over a dozen posts are now at over 2,000 views ea.
1 post is at over 4,000 views, 2020 ☑️ PEZ OUTLAW FOR PRESIDENT #pezoutlaw #holly...

Of all the things I've done in my life, I would find the most gratification in Notes From The Asylum being published. 
NFTA is creation n I love that most of all.

Within the next 2 months Notes From The Asylum will reach a very big milestone.
Unfortunately, to broadcast it might not be something I should share.

*****************************

To my knowledge Congress nor the President are going to pass a law giving Pez Outlaw success.

So Forgive me, I just feel if my life is gonna change, I gotta do it.
Various administrations come n they go, my destiny is up to me.
So Holidays etc, I continue to work. 

Other peoples good fortune is there's not mine.
I choose not to live through there success or failure.
To do so would diffuse my efforts. 

Congratulations n good luck but honestly it will not change my life.
Only my efforts can be mine or change my life.
That said we continue, I have daily goals that must be met. 

***************************************************


Today my mood like my Boots has a lot of mud on it.
Have you ever noticed how your mood reflects the weather?

Yesterday one of the gals had a really good day with her horse.
She was walking around on cloud 9 n didn't want the day to end.

It's all perspective isn't it.
I've been slogging around in 4 inches of mud for 4 days now, so my perspective is different.

It's all where you stand.
Nice hard ground n enclosed arena or out in the pens like me n the horses.

Of all the posts I've written in Notes From The Asylum, Big Fish n Secrets are my favorites. 

Totally off subject.
Recently I was made aware of a Blue Dog needing a home.
I just couldn't, I need a Big Red Dog.
Like Maggie Thatcher said, I'm getting Wobbly.
Big Red Dogs (Bull Mastiff's) are my Spirit Guides. 
Yes, I believe in that stuff with all my heart.
It's been to long.

Just dawned on me, maybe that's her name.
Maggie. 

When you ask to be friended or follow me, make sure it's what you really want, because I'm relentless in pursuit of my goals.


After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary


Monday, November 6, 2017

2020 ☑️ PEZ OUTLAW FOR PRESIDENT #pezoutlaw #hollywood #NFTA

If you elect me President of the United States, 

Everybody Gets A Puppy.

VOTE Pez Outlaw for President

It's for the children.


YES, I PEZ OUTLAW AM RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT!
This is not a joke.
The way I figure it is this, if you're gonna waste your vote on someone who is not gonna win, make that vote me.
I always wanted to be a US congressman or senator, but I'll settle for President.
I'm seriously asking you to write in Pez Outlaw as your vote for President in 2020.
How could you possibly do worse?


2020 Campaign Slogan.
If it's good enough for Urkel, it's good enough for me. 
















Old men start slow. 
It takes 4 years to get our momentum going.
In 2016 I ran a 4 week campaign, for 2020 I figured I'd run a 4 year campaign.
Failure is no excuse for not trying again. 

To those who chant the mantra against "The Permanent Campaign". 
Yo Mama.

I intend to spend the same amount of money in my 2020 run for President as I did in my 2016 run. ZERO! 
I figure if I can get the CRAZY vote  that I'm a shoe in for President in 2020.
What? I waited 4 weeks to announce.




I view life as performance art.
Pez Outlaw For President.





Wouldn't it be cool if there was a Pez Outlaw For President pin like this of above pic.



I'm crowd funding votes for Pez Outlaw for president



I'm attempting to crowd fund your write in vote for Pez Outlaw for president as publicity to get a book published.





It's for the children

PEZ OUTLAW FOR PRESIDENT
It's for the children, puppies n kittens.








WRITE IN VOTE, PEZ OUTLAW FOR PRESIDENT in 2020
I'm a Strong believer in nepotism, I Will fill as many positions as possible with family members.
  

the caliber of my appointees..



If elected President I only think it's fair to give you an idea of the caliber of my appointees..
 








Thank You, Thank You Very Much


WRITE IN VOTE, PEZ OUTLAW FOR PRESIDENT on Nov. 8, 2020
Campaign song, Hay, Hay, Poo, Poo............


Every Dead person that can should get out n Vote Pez Outlaw for President





WRITE IN VOTE, PEZ OUTLAW FOR PRESIDENT

Presidential Qualifications
I shovel Horse Shit for a living.



Every Presidential election year a lot of Americans decide to not vote for any of the candidates for President on the ballot. These voters instead choose to write in a name of there own for President as a gesture of defiance concerning what is on offer. These write in votes are a right in our election process but unfortunately count very little in the end. My hope is that if you are going to write in a candidate for President that you make your protest in the name Pez Outlaw. If I can get enough people who write in a candidate for president to write in Pez Outlaw a secondary good will come from your act of protest. Your vote might also have the secondary effect of getting me a book deal. 

Your write in vote will gain you nothing, so why not let it do some good for somebody else. ME! To address a concern you might have as to how good a writer I actually am. For this book I'm trying to get published with the help of you writing in Pez Outlaw for President. I'm already under contract with the ghost writer Jeff Maysh who wrote the April 2015 Playboy story The Pez Outlaw see-  http://www.playboy.com/articles/pez-outlaw   which won 2 writing awards. see- Pez Outlaw Wins 2 Awards #pezoutlaw #hollywood    

So I'm asking you to Vote Pez Outlaw as a write in for President. You know that you are going to do it anyway, all I'm asking is that you let that act of protest have a secondary good by making your write in vote for president be Pez Outlaw.

I love this straight jacket pic.



Because there are so many voices/personalities in my head, my campaign is fully staffed.
Pez Outlaw for President.   









I plan to campaign sorta hard when I have time


I plan to campaign sorta hard when I have time #pezoutlaw #hollywood: VOTE, PEZ OUTLAW FOR PRESIDENT on Nov. 8, 2020



I want to recycle your write in protest vote for president into something new, a Pez Outlaw Book. Vote Pez Outlaw for President.



My philosophy on life is this. You never give up, never give in n never quit trying. Try everything no matter how foolish others might think you are for attempting it. That you do is what separates you from those who only wish for things. I have now spent almost 2 decades on this 1 project, that's the dedication to a dreams fulfillment that it takes.




I have zero money, but even that to me is no excuse. As always the trick is to find the loophole n exploit it. I have my story so for me this time that loophole is the great equalizer of the internet. With the internet I can without money pursue my dream of a Pez Outlaw book. If you write in Pez Outlaw for president this year, my dream of a book could come true.

At first glance I accept how crazy this idea seems, but if people who write in a vote for president choose Pez Outlaw, it will work.
That old thing, it's so crazy, it might just work.
VOTE, PEZ OUTLAW FOR PRESIDENT

Pez Outlaw For President, Recent campaign rally.

Donald trump might get 10,000 to 15,000 people at a rally, but look how many people we got in a phone booth.

Yes we held a campaign rally in a phone booth, it was the only place we could get, but we packed em in. 




Cabinet Meeting of my administration

I promise as President to do absolutely nothing except take pointless trips on Airforce 1 n play Golf.



From the big brain room






VOTE, PEZ OUTLAW FOR PRESIDENT has 3,200 views so far.  
Pretty good for one of my posts. 
My #1 post is VOTE, PEZ OUTLAW FOR PRESIDENT on Nov. 8 #pezoutlaw.
In my reality, only my numbers are relevant.





It's official.
VOTE, PEZ OUTLAW FOR PRESIDENT on Nov. 8 is now the highest viewed post on Notes From The Asylum.
Yes, I Hammered it to get there.


I'm shamelessly seeking validation n approval, hence the following.

Google+ Followers, please give VOTE, PEZ OUTLAW FOR PRESIDENT post a G+1 positive feedback.


Within insanity, find good
Out of chaos, find purpose
Solutions are found in the most unlikely of places
To find answers, you must have eyes that can see
Faith n belief in yourself, will carry you  

This crazy pretend world I've created is where I find refuge from the harsh n painful realities of life. My dreams are what sustain me. All my crazy schemes give me hope.

Now, On With The Show

I'm campaigning for the Mickey Mouse, Evan McMullin, Gary Johnson n Jill Stein Vote. 

VOTE, PEZ OUTLAW FOR PRESIDENT on Nov. 8
Why Not, could I possibly be worse?


America has a long n proud history of crazy people running for President.
My turn.

"As President, I Pez Outlaw couldn't possibly do worse."
Pez Outlaw for President yard sign.
Pez Outlaw for President, Better than Mickey Mouse. 

It's a race to the bottom for President, Vote Pez Outlaw for President because I'm it.
So if you're looking for the bottom of the barrel for President, look no further, Pez Outlaw. 
In a year of bad choices for President, Why not make the worst choice, Pez Outlaw.


Are you better off than you were 8yrs ago?
Things could be worse, Vote Pez Outlaw for President. 

A Vote for Pez Outlaw is a vote for ummmmmm yup change.

If elected I promise a 1957 Ford Truck in every garage.
You'll thank me later, after the pulse.

Pez Outlaw for President Campaign slogan.
My best friend has a favorite stick.
Though her favorite stick changes every few days, they wear out.

I  know a lot of folks are terribly conflicted this year n are gonna write in a crazy name in protest.
I'm here to ask for that vote.
Write in any other name is just a shameful waste. 
Make your write in vote PEZ OUTLAW for president because I might get a book deal out of it.
From my perspective that vote then would not have been wasted. 

Think of your write in vote of PEZ OUTLAW for president as crowd funding a book deal for me.

Every Presidential election year a significant number of people vote for Mickey Mouse.
I'm asking for the Mickey Mouse vote.
Let's make it Pez Outlaw this time.

I know a lot of people are ashamed to say who they are voting for right now.
Say PEZ OUTLAW for President with pride. 

If mistakenly elected President, I promise to only serve 90 days, just long enough to get a great retirement package.

As President I promise that all my speeches will be pointless rambling about nothing n made up stuff.
As president many of my speeches would simply be "Dude" then, he gone.

As President I would rent out every room in the White House like a bed n breakfast to raise money to pay down the National debt. 

As President I would turn the White House front lawn into a horse pasture for the Old Man n his Buds. 


As President all motorcades would include me on my tractor moving at a snails pace. 

As President besides doing nothing, I promise to also stand for nothing. 

I promise as President it would be like I wasn't even there. 


But Wait There's More, Act now n..........


Here's the book Pez Outlaw Diary 
It's FREE online to read, right now.




After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary

Sunday, November 5, 2017

Secrets #pezoutlaw #hollywood #NFTA



Pez Outlaw
My grandson wants my life n I want my dog Proby's life.

Why are people determined to draw you into the things they find interesting?
I refuse to waste my time on all the useless endeavors of others.
Computer n Cell Phone obsession is the worst, what a bunch of drivel.
Please attend this or join me at that.
NO! 
Then the guilting, but it would make me happy if you did.
Does it count for nothing that it would make me miserable n potentially suicidal? 
People need to hear the word NO more.
You say NO nowadays n people react like you killed a puppy.

Revealing truth is liberating.
Withholding truth makes you vulnerable.
Secrets are a cancer on your soul.
Yet life is filled with secrets.

You can't live without relationships.
Though the maintenance is set with Booby-traps.
One wrong step n that spiky thing comes at you.
When did it get so complicated.

You'd think honesty would protect you.
Some days I get wore out from careful conversation. 
The truth is, you can't be honest with people.
Total honesty repels people. 

I just apologized to a friend for saying what's on my mind.
I wish it was the first time.
I told him that I seem to have a talent for making people not want to talk to me.
Just an observation, how much it matters I'm uncertain of.

So you hold your thoughts close.
Until that one person who gets you, Joshua my son says something.
N you almost scream in response, Yeah!
The response is almost a cry of relief.

Then Joshua says something else n again halfway though you shout, YEAH!
Thinking all the while, Why don't others seem to see it.
Then Josh says people are telling him he's becoming more like me by the day.
It was inevitable, I am my father, Joshua is me n Danny or Jake will be Joshua.

So what's the point?
There is none, just frustration.
People say they want the truth or an honest answer, but they really don't.
They want to hear whatever version makes them feel OK with themselves.

Problem is that I usually know what I want and what I think.
Where I get in trouble is when I share it.
Are there rules I don't know how to follow?
Is this written down somewhere?

I've met people who look scared at the thought of saying what they want.
N if you press them, it angers them, like I'm somehow not respecting the process.
I see this over n over and I still don't understand it.
I am willing to accept what I want, To some what they want is a process.

People say I get there to quick, n that I'm impatient.
The thing is that I know what I want n time is slipping away.
With Pez, What made me different?
Really simple. I saw something n I acted on it, while others thought about acting. 

I'm as puzzled today at almost 65 as I was a child of 5. 
I'm not delusional, I don't think that this is brilliant. 
I'm just purging. 
My imaginary shrink says I need to write things down.

It's like I told Josh, write it out straight, then make it abstract.
Because if you say it straight it offends people.
Keep it vague n people can interpret the meaning to there liking.
Truth can be liberating but it can also be cruel or unwanted.

That n I believe I push to hard.
For which I'm truly sorry.
But we know I won't change.
It's like the scorpion n the river, It's my nature.

I will say this though.
I may know what I think from given information.
Though I have no idea what that information will be.
Meaning, I have no idea what the future holds.

I know what I want but it's in the hands of those pesky relationships.
N Yup you guessed it, they don't want to talk to me.
A Feller could get a complex, were it not for ego. 
I'm OK, You're OK. Are we good?

I remain. 
Not a Damn clue. 
Yours.
Pez Outlaw.

Thank God, it's time for therapy.
Smiley Face, today we get Jello or is it Pudding?
See what I mean?

My imaginary Shrink says, It only matters if you pretend to know if it's pudding or Jello. 

The Title should have been Jello or Pudding. 
Should I change it?
I like my life, I do things the way I like.
Example is the 4 line verse I use here, just because I like it.

We went on a deep dive today.
Hopefully it was amusing. 

Of all the posts I've written in Notes From The Asylum, Big Fish n Secrets are my favorites. 
On the flip side, sometimes you delete posts because they made it sound like you care more than you actually do.
 
After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary