Wednesday, December 23, 2015

But Wait, There's More. #pezoutlaw #hollywood @pezoutlaw


Have you ever seen the guy on TV who for whatever reason his job has him around women in Bikini's. The guy looks at the camera n says, "I love my Job".
That's me out driving around on my tractor in 6 inches of mud, I love my job. 

I can be outside doing chores getting a bit tired, get on the tractor n start moving poo n my energy returns.
Like I've told you. I used to be a Jeep man, now I'm a tractor man.

Once a week doing chores with Billy Dog n Po an idea will start taking form in my head.
Problem is that there is no freedom until I can get back in here and write it down. Only then can my mind move on.
So we go from yesterday where my brain was fried n I sucked to this. WELCOME!

I know you've heard the phase less is more. Well so have I, actually I've had it said to me in one form or another so often that I thought maybe it was coined for use in my presence.

Kathy is always giving me the nod, hand signals or flat out OK moving on.

That's why when Jeff Maysh said are you ready for what's about to happen it kinda took me by surprise. The idea that folks might go crazy about me n actually want to talk to me or wonder what I think?

You see for a long time now in public I'm that homeless person on the curb with the coffee cup.
People avoid eye contact in a hope that if they don't look at me I won't try to talk to them.
Seriously all I need is the sign "Will Work For Food" and a busy intersection.
I'm that guy. What I'm not is the guy anybody willingly wants to talk to.

So Jeff Maysh, Am I ready for people to be swarming me wanting to talk to me n take my picture.
The real question is Jeff, Are they ready to talk to Me?
Oh by the way "Pictures Are Forbidden". I'm kinda one of those folks that thinks if you take a picture of me, you steal a piece of my soul.
People try taking pictures but my hand goes up like a perp walk.
Some guy who came here wanted to take a picture of me on my tractor. He said, Why not it's just a picture. He got my back and a FIRM NO!

But you know othern that, whatever if you think that's actually what you really want.
It would be different to talk to people who are under the missread that they really want to hear it.
Topsy Tervy World. Cats marrying Dogs, The apocalypse is here.

My large bolt cutters arrived today.
The postal lady n I were laughing at how they'd only be good for robbing small banks. 
Stop it, that was a joke.
My new bolt cutters are for cutting snow chains to the size I need on my tractors rear tires. 

Unwrapped Bolt cutters n they are awesome, just like the ones SWAT Teams use on TV.
They were only $50.00 but saw that they were on Sears for 79.95 regularly $150.00.
Too Cool. 

 

Pez Outlaw Diary

Cranky Old Bastard ALERT! #pezoutlaw #hollywood @pezoutlaw

What do you think, should old men have "Cranky Old Bastard ALERT!" warning labels?


Dogs n Horses Yes but No Children Allowed.
I don't know why I should have to keep saying this, but apparently I do.

I will not follow anyone on twitter whose page image is a picture of a child.
To me it goes beyond not being in good taste.
I'm a 64 year old man. If the image on your twitter page does not at least look 20, I can not follow you back.

If your homepage image is of a horse or a dog, no problem.
If your home page image is of a child, No.

I also can not follow back any page on facebook or twitter that's in Arabic.
I  have no idea what's being said and I just can not take the chance.

Oh yeah n no porn or excessive cursing. 
Yes I screen each persons page that follows me.

I also shy away from advert pages. Like buy follower pages.
Only real people please.  No Twitter Follower Farms.

Oh yeah there's one other type of page I do not follow back because it's a waste of time.
When I screen your page one of the first things I check is the ratio of follows to followers.
If you follow say 50 people but have 2,000 followers, I will not waste my time with a follow back.
You are just going to remove your follow after the follow back is given.

Other than that though I try to follow back any real people that follow me on twitter or facebook,
After I screen your page.

I will also admit to being confused by the huge number of twenty-something young women that follow me on twitter. 
My home page image:

If you're a twenty-something woman, why on earth would you follow that?

Somebody is cranky this morning?
Is there such a thing as cranky tweeting?

Pez Outlaw Diary

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Domo Arigato Mr Roboto #pezoutlaw #hollywood


Robot Unrest
The time has come at last
To throw away this mask
Now everyone can see
My true identity.

Styx


Yesterday I spent the afternoon on the tenuously high end of reality.
I don't know about your world, but this happens occasionally in mine.
Times when you grip with all your might to hang on, because things are a bit jittery.

I'm not complaining because so far I've always won.
Though because of this I take it very personal when my reality is questioned. 
I take it especially personal when an artificial intelligence questions my existence.

"What's the frequency, Kenneth?" is your Benzedrine, uh-huh / I was brain-dead, locked out, numb, not up to speed / I thought I'd pegged you an idiot's dream. R.E.M.


Am I a self aware robot that nobody bothered to inform of his status?
Like it's not hard enough hanging on to reality.
Having a machine question your existence hardly helps.

I fear the day has come n gone, machines have taken over.
Now my existence is questioned by a machine.
Why must I keep proving to twitter that I'm a real person n not a robot? 

Would a robot use poor grammar n misspell this many words?
Of course he would,
to trick you......
What? Wait.


OK. If I were a robot, could I do this?
Oh, right not a video. 
Trust me, it was indisputable proof of life.

Thank God for Slovakia, almost 1,000 views of Notes From The Asylum in 24hrs.
At least Slovakia believes I'm real n not a robot.

My twitter account was just locked again.
If you are not allowed to vigorously promote your work on twitter, what exactly is the point of twitter.

It would appear that my dedicated efforts to promote Notes From The Asylum n Pez Outlaw Diary are verboten on twitter. 
Very puzzling, because if promoting my projects is not allowed on twitter, then quite honestly twitter is of no use or purpose to me.

I look at all the stupidity on twitter like porn, the grotesque, scams, radicals etc n promoting my work is where they draw the line? 

So now I'm expected to go through twitters procedures of gettin my hand slapped to get back on twitter.
Why, so they can lock my account again if I try to promote Pez Outlaw Diary again.

What's the point? 

Truth. 
My activities make twitter think that I'm a robot because of the huge number of posts n how rapidly I put them up.
I know it's sick, but I take that as a compliment.
Kathy says I might wanna reconsider my actions.
BIG, Laugh. 

HEY! Maybe I am a Robot.
Domo Arigato.
Wikipedia - a Japanese phrase meaning "Thanks a lot" or "Thank you very much".

Bumberdumpkin. In my head, had to take it out.

DEAD ROBOT.
Dead Robot
Between 2 Ferns

between fern n vern - heard he might play me in the movie.
You know, like if you have a friend whose really into something n next thing you know so are you.
Puddy (dog) is so into squirrels that now so are Pinky n Bill (dogs).

Flip The Script

Pez Outlaw $4.5 Million Dollar Man

It just occurred to me that I actually spent $4.5 Million creating the Pez Outlaw story.
Stated differently, The Pez Outlaw story cost me 4.5 million dollars.
Yes I lost the $4.5 million because of Fraud due to Breach of Implied Contract by Pez Corporation.
Bottom Line though on a personal level My Pez Outlaw adventures had a price tag of $4.5 Million.

Kinda a sobering thought.
Pez Outlaw, the 4.5 Million Dollar Man.
Does that make Pez Outlaw the Walmart of Million Dollar Men?
Kathy barely laughed, must be it's funnier in my head.
 

twitter censorship?

This post was written in-between naps.
Hey, I'm old, I take a lot of naps.

Notes From the Asylum is 16oz's of crazy in a 12oz bag. 
A real bargain at $4.95 plus shipping n handling.
But wait, If you buy now I will double your order at no extra charge.
All you pay is a modest additional shipping fee.
You will be getting a 30 day supply of crazy.

So lean back n Turn your GPS ON.

The other day I posted 2 items on twitter n within minutes my twitter account was locked.
Granted, I was able to get it unlocked after a small amount of hassle.
My first reaction was to take a time out n think about what had just happened.
Then I realized what's the difference.
Posting n getting locked again or self imposed exile, both have the same end result.
Go down swinging.

If twitter has indeed become, "THE MAN!"
I choose insurrection. 
Talking to myself.
Of course you do, you Idjet. 

Tin Foil Hat Enthusiast. 

I've never met a conspiracy theory that I didn't find at least interesting or humorous.

I thought both items were just funny.

One was 
I like the show Ancient Aliens.
Do I really need to explain more?

The second item was the following cartoon.













Forgive my sense of humor, I thought that this cartoon was funny.

Look, Chevy Chase made a career on Saturday night live because Gerald Ford tripped n stumbled a few times.
We all thought Chevy Chase was funny when he tripped n stumbled every week on Saturday Night Live.
Me, I thought funny was funny, period.

While we're on the subject Saturday Night Live.
Is comedy party affiliated SNL?
Every since Gerald Ford SNL has had a resident comedian to be the candidate or president.
SNL, you thought Sarah Palin was hilarious.
Well this comedy bit writes itself.

Group of secret service agents hovered around a table of diagrams n charts.
The reveal is that they are betting on where n when Hillary goes down next.


2nd bit.
You know how the secret service agents formed like a protective wall when Hillary went down to block it n from cameras.
You have one agent shout, shit she's going down again.
Then you have them form a line in front of her n shuffle sideways like a chorus line.
Left Left Left, nope Right Right Right, then left again.
Depending on how long the bit would hold up, you keep doing it.
Comedy is Comedy last time I checked.
SNL feel free, my gift to you.

So here we are.
I'm Still trying to decide what to make of it.
I still have higher hopes for twitter than facebook.
twitter is the Wild West, facebook is kinda civilized. 
Ever get the feeling that you ping pong from 1 indignation to another?


In case you missed it.
This post is a conspiracy theory.
My tin foil hat has a cherished position on my shelf next to every episode of Ancient Aliens.

Just for giggles. here's a message I received from God knows who on twitter.

Hi! I'm a book editor and charge $1 per page. I have a sale on editing that ends this next Wednesday at $.75 a page. Email me if you need editing or PA assistance! I offer a free month of PA help with an editing job!

With a guy like me who writes an endless stream of bullshit Jeff would get rich. That is, if I had any money?

Waste Not, Want Not Jeff. 
personal note - Jeff I know at times it must feel like harassment, but you're the only person I have to talk to. have should'a been will


Ta!
Looking to the skies for salvation.

A previous post.

It's taken me 5yrs to get 2,000 followers on twitter.
Then BAM, in the next 72hrs it doubled to 4,000 followers.
Yes at the moment I'm projecting where the count will be tomorrow morning.

In the last 72 hours I've gotten 2,000 new followers on twitter.
I gotta tell you, careful what you wish for.
At the moment barely able to keep up with it.

That's the good news.
On the other hand I feel I owe all my twitter followers an explanation.

For 10+ years I wrote Pez Outlaw Diary.
3 years ago a movie producer contacted me.
I blew him off thinking it was a scam.

2 years ago Jeff contacted me n wrote the April 2015 Playboy article called The Pez Outlaw.
At the same time I asked him to contact n vet the movie producer.

1 year ago I sold my life rights to a major motion picture studio.
With the producer mentioned attached.

Over the last year a script has been commissioned n worked on.

A little over a year ago I started work on a new project Notes From The Asylum as a support mechanism for Pez Outlaw Diary.
Notes From The Asylum is intended to flesh out Pez Outlaw n give insight into the person/character.

As we all know in life, nothing is guaranteed, which brings me to the point of todays post.
I use twitter to promote Pez Outlaw, 3 hrs a day I grind out posts to get the name Pez Outlaw out there.

My goal with twitter is to eventually get 250,000 to 1,000,000+ followers who will say, Oh yeah I've heard that name.
Possibly raising a general question on the internet of "Who is Pez Outlaw?"

In order to do this I need and am doing everything possible to get followers on twitter.
Not fake followers but real eyeballs.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence





Pez Outlaw Diary



 





Friday, December 11, 2015

Box Of Puppies #pezoutlaw #hollywood @pezoutlaw

Views from the Asylum are at times not a box of puppies.
Have you ever felt like your sitting in a ditch trying to splice wires back together.
Darkness closing fast, time running out.
You get there but it's a patch job n you know it.
Welcome to the Asylum.

Every month when the moon is full my old friend depression comes to visit for a few days. It may be coincidence but I really don't think so anymore.

I finally started noticing the relationship about a decade ago. It would appear that when the moon is full n at it's strongest, that it just yanks on my brain. Yanks on your brain is a medical term.

So don't expect to find me in the cheering section over the coolness of 2 full moons in one month. The second full moon in one month being the definition of Blue Moon.

The good news, if there is any in depression. When I was younger this monthly depression could last a week. Now one day into it, the day of n one day coming out.

I will take this small gain. BTW, I feel better today.
So to all you suicide jockeys. It gets better, a good day is coming.
But a fan of Full moons or Blue Moons. No.

malaise or maturity

The rate that I'm losing interest in different things is starting to cause me to be concerned.

I seem to be downgrading things that I once thought very important or that excited me.

I also seem to be better at holding down my temper n keeping my mouth shut when annoyed.

I'm not sure if it's malaise or maturity.

My mind also seems to function better. Less people running into the room yelling fire.

Pez Outlaw Diary




Sunday, December 6, 2015

Bubba Dub Dub, 3 Rednecks in a tub #pezoutlaw #hollywood

 Bubba Dub Dub, 3 Rednecks in a tub.
I think somebody has hacked my computer, because it won't turn off n is on when I come in in the morning.
Know what, Who Cares.
Maybe they will have better luck with my life. 

When reality sucks, I go elsewhere.
Not a clue what I'm doing, but why should that stop me.
Most things I do require a leap of faith.

Starting to feel like I'm allowed to speak as long as I remain Obscure. #youknow

Bubba Dub Dub, 3 Rednecks in a tub.

Think of the above phrase like magic words, spoken before something amazing happens.
Not so amazingly.

Before you get all shirty on me, I am a redneck, so you know, I can say that. 
I've earned my redneck stripes over the last 15 years n a lifetime of making do.
Remember me, I'm the guy that makes stuff outa Barrels.
see- Redneckology, The Barrel Book
Oh yeah n I'm also that Pez Outlaw guy
see- Pez Outlaw Diary

You're probably not gonna believe it, but this post title is a direct result of somebody buying 60 Ducky covers.
Go figure. 

Bubba Dub Dub, 3 Rednecks in a tub.

Yesterday I heard that Duck Dynasty was ending after this season.
I went on twitter to get more info.
That was my first mistake, the amount of vitriol against Duck Dynasty was amazing.
The hatred was palpable, I just don't understand it.

Duck Dynasty as represented by the Robertson family could only be described as decent nice people.
The hatred displayed by folks on twitter was very surprising. 
Don't they finally understand that middle America is fed up with being dismissed n vilified as racist etc.
The litany of angry words used to dismiss, discount n invalidate what by the results of the recent election is mind boggling.
This country is not just the East n West coast, the sooner people realize it, the better off we will all be.
 
 
Bubba Dub Dub, 3 Rednecks in a tub.

Most peculiar, Most peculiar.
Last year I wrote a post called Buck Up Buttercup #pezoutlaw 
Today I hear that a Suck it up Buttercup Bill has been written by an Iowa Lawmaker in the state legislature. 
Coincidence, I don't think so.

I think this bill is in direct result of my recent campaign for President.


Even though my presidential bid was unsuccessful, I think that we set the agenda for the country.
Boilerplate, rhetoric, Blah, Blah, Blah.

I have to be careful with what I say, my twitter account has already been suspended twice.
With recent news that twitter is suspending people for political reasons, I don't want to be caught in the dragnet.

By the way, What is the Alt Right n the Alt Left?
Never heard these phases till this year.
Are they poll tested slurs?

Seems like none of us know who or what we are until we are labeled with a slur by somebody else.

I will not be posting previous 2 paragraphs on twitter, because of you know, Right..

Bubba Dub Dub, 3 Rednecks in a tub.

I was looking on ebay yesterday n somebody was selling freshly washed used granny panties.
Ok so not the Japanese thing, which we will not talk about, but just did.

Selling used underwear.
I always thought there was an unwritten rule about selling used items n underwear were like paper towels.
Once you use underwear they are dead to anyone else.

My new chore coat 




which I love is used, but underwear, no way am I gonna wear somebody elses.
Secret, I actually don't wear the damn things, haven't for 46 years.
Underwear seem kinda pointless to me.

Seriously dude. TMI, TMI!
You really don't have to share everything.

Excellent example of opposing voices in my head.





Bubba Dub Dub, 3 Rednecks in a tub.

Walk away from that one Bubba, OK watch me.

WASTE NOT, WANT NOT.
The following was an independent post that did not achieve the minimum required views.

 
Pez Outlaw The Book #pezoutlaw #hollywood


America is ready for a story of the struggle of an individual.
Someone who fights back from the ashes of his dreams.


To me the book would be 1/3 the decade of travel buying n selling Pez / the success. 
Then the middle 1/3 the struggle of the fighting my way back. the phone calls of bill collectors. Selling everything of value, including Kathy's wedding ring to pay bills. 
Coming ever so close to losing our home. 
Then the years of  Writing Pez Outlaw diary n promoting it.


The final 1/3 of the story would be the day jeff contacted me. 
The behind the scenes journey we've been on n then finally the movie within the movie. 
We show me watching them making the movie that people are at that moment watching.

The cry against oppression. 
Pez Outlaws story shows that on a personal level. 
Middle America would love to read n watch a story about someone fighting back. 
Alone, nobody except himself believing that he can do it. 
It's a story of hope, perseverance n belief in ones self.

Who knows how good any of this is.

Bubba Dub Dub, 3 Rednecks in a tub.

Yeah right Billy Dog would just watch a Fox in her yard.

Just STUPID!
When will people learn.
Wild animals are Wild Animals.
Everything is cute until it's not.
Eventually a Wild Animal slips up n trained means nothing.

Just ask those guys that had the Big Cats in Las Vegas.

Roy Horn Tiger Attack - YouTube

Tiger That Mauled Siegfried & Roy Magician Dies at 17
Human stupidity always ends badly for the animal.

Bubba Dub Dub, 3 Rednecks in a tub.
Brother Can You Spare Me Some Time? #pezoutlaw #hollywood 

When did I become Uncle Dewey?
Nuf said.

Bubba Dub Dub, 3 Rednecks in a tub.
Slovakia, Pez Outlaw World Premiere, Why Not?
It's not like Notes From The Asylum is reality based.


If there was a Pez Outlaw Movie, would or should there be a big premiere in Slovakia with a personal appearance by Pez Outlaw?

I bring this up because to date approx 1/2 of the views of Notes From The Asylum are from Slovakia. 

You would think that the largest following for Pez Outlaw outside the US would be Hungary since that's where a lot of it took place.

Nope, Slovakia?????
Very puzzling.

Overall Slovakia comes in at approx 1/2 of my views.
A micro view of views say over the last 3 to 6 months is 2x.
About double the views over the last few months have been from Slovakia over US views.

I guess Pez Outlaw is just an obscure country singer whose making it big in Slovakia.
I don't have to understand it, I'm just thankful. 


After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.






Pez Outlaw Diary






Friday, December 4, 2015

Proby aka Po #pezoutlaw #hollywood

Today is my 65th Birthday.
I want to thank everyone on facebook for all there kind words n well wishes.

As far as ages go I think 16, 21 n 65 are the big ones.
I had hoped that before my 65th Birthday the folks in Hollywood might have made an announcement.
Well that didn't happen.

Anyway to the topic of this post.
Po
Po
Last night I had a very long dream n Proby was at my side in the whole thing.
I dreamt that I was back in the shop n Po was at my side.
Funny thing is I left the shop over 20 years ago.

I was walking around talking to everybody I used to work with telling them I'd be 65 soon n retiring.
Proby wasn't just at my side, she was stealing the dream.

I need to tell you something about Po.
Proby has been working on her mind control techniques for 5 years now.
Seriously, Po stares at me n wills me to do things.

I think Proby has expanded her mind control techniques to include entering my dreams, because last nights dream featured Proby.
It was like I had second billing in my own dream.
At one point I was on top of a crowd of people, not a clue why.
Proby came to the edge n I grabbed her front feet so she could climb up also.

If this had been Billy she'd have just flew up there, but no it was Probies dream in my head so she climbed.
I don't remember much more, just that Proby was at my side in the whole dream.
I woke up in a pretty good mood.
No small thing because I've been kinda depressed for a few weeks.

I just don't know what to make of it.
Proby like all Bull Mastiffs is a comfort dog, it's what they excel at.
Mastiffs keep you company so you never feel alone n watch your backside so you never need worry.
But I've never had a Mastiff enter my dreams so strongly.
I think old Po is really perfecting her mind control talent. 

You think I'm joking but I'm not.
If you spent much time around me you'd see how Proby does it.
She just stares at me until I hear her.
Proby really does not bark, not sure she remembers how.

Mastiff's just aren't much on barking.
Mastiff's figure you should know what there thinking without saying it. 

Remember that time Rudy saved pinky from Coyote's?
Not a word, but man did those coyote run like hell.
Rudy came down that hill with pure menace n no doubt.
Those coyote's knew the righteous hand of God was about to smite them.
They gone! It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
I was truly grateful Rudy got to live that moment before she passed.

Hell looka that Proby ran my dream last night n now she's taken over today's Post.
Should I be getting nervous.
God, she's good.

Come on folks, Probies post to be at least 200
AHHHHHHHHHH 600!
Yup Guilt, I told you Proby could use mind control over humans. She got her 200 views. 
actually 600 views.

Again thanks to everyone for wishing me well on my Birthday.

Curious about something.
Who is it putting things on my screen saver?
Just noticed following comment on my screen saver, a pic of Rudy.
Upper right corner.
"Even monkeys fall out of trees."
Who's doing that?


Secret time.
Kathy just left for cottage that Ri, Matt n the girls are at.
Here's the thing, I like being alone on my Birthday.
I don't handle Birthdays well, it's easier if I'm alone.
Well that is me n Po.

OK, Time for me, Po, Billy dog, etc to go out n meet the day. A tractor n DIRT will be involved. 

$10 away from getting my Biannual $100 check from google, please click some adverts


After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.






Pez Outlaw Diary