Saturday, February 20, 2016

Opinions #pezoutlaw #hollywood @pezoutlaw.

I've always had an unnameable yearning deep in my soul.
Less mediocrity n mundane, more of interesting.
Things that tickle the mind. 
A need to create that lacks the talent.

This post was going to be the first of many in an effort to collectively rewrite Pez Outlaw Diary.
I regret to inform you I lost interest only a half page in.
Let's just let Jeff do it, if he still wants to?

I don't remember much of yesterday because I tend to chuck yesterday n focus on today n tomorrow.
Not the greatest way to live if you want to write a life story.
Just a handful of memories survive as little flashes from my preteens n teens.
To be honest it bores me to even recall that much.
The thought of rewriting Pez Outlaw Diary kinda sucks.
One of the things that frustrates me the most in life is doing something I've already done over.

That's why n where Jeff comes in with his tape recorder.
I just can't n don't want to do it.
As messed up as Pez Outlaw Diary is, it took 3 years to write.
My heads just not there anymore.
This situation where I prefer to forget the past is why it was so critical to get as much as I could down while I still retained the memories.
Many of the things I put in the Diary, well the details are no longer fresh.

So where's my head n my focus at now? Notes From The Asylum.
I get immediate gratification from NTFA.
Pez Outlaw Diary is 15-18 years n still waiting for the reward.
NTFA, I get happiness or results withing 24 hours. 
I also feel better about my writing in NFTA, I think I've improved.
I really enjoy the free form that NFTA allows.
I enjoy playing with reality, goofing on it.
Following a single thought to its potential.

A commercial asking for $19.95 per month gives me Guilt Trip, $19.95. #pezoutlaw #pez #hollywood
2 commercials for products using boats gives me Buy Me A Boat #pezoutlaw #hollywood @pezoutlaw
My aversion to tech gave me Giddy Up Tech? #pezoutlaw #hollywood @pezoutlaw
My daily life gave me Dirt #pezoutlaw #hollywood @pezoutlawYou get my point.

My whole life I have had opinions on almost anything that goes by my ears or eyes.
Yeah it's truly that bad, but Notes From The Asylum gives me an outlet for those endless opinions n spares Kathy having to hear them.
Before NFTA I'd get an opinion n obsess about it for days.
Now I get an opinion write it down in NFTA n the act of writing it releases me from it.
Yes you got it right, this post ends up being an opinion about opinions.

I have never been embarrassed by or afraid of my opinions.
My relationship with any of my opinions is momentary, tomorrow I may take the opposite side just for the fun of it.

On that other subject that we're not allowed to talk about.
I'm not looking for or expecting the Big Affirmative.
No, actually all I'm hoping for is news of a string of incremental movement in that direction.
Little bits of good news.
I get it. It's like an airport.

Randomly In the last 2 decades I've had a lot of people who think it would be cool to know me.
Once they really know me very few stick around.
I don't ask why because actually I'm good with the failure rate.
The main problem seems to be a misunderstanding of the meaning of clearly stated realities.
Reality is a bitch, there's yours n there's mine.
People want to bend you to there will.
I'm not good with that, but the subject is open to interpretation.

Often in my life people will say, so n so is saying this or that about you.
Huh, they never said it to me, so who cares.

Are they having fun? Cool.
Like they say, Any press is good press.

Pez Outlaw Diary

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Insanity is Only Perspective #pezoutlaw #hollywood

I'm not a big fan of Reality.I prefer the world in my head.
Each day the real world demands my presence, it always depresses me.

The difference between Crazy n Insane is Only Perspective.
This was made very clear to me yesterday.
My guess is that you've never gotten "The Look".

Yesterday while showing Kathy some things that I thought Quite Clever, I got the look.
Followed by "even Josh asked if everything is alright".
Then told, "you get to involved in an idea n following it, you need to step back'.

In short Kathy was saying, you've gone down the rabbit hole again.
Your search within is eluding people who see it.
Sometimes I get so involve with the creation of something that I can't see what I've created, objectively.

That's the rough part of the line between crazy n insane.
You think what your doing is genius,  Then you get that look.
N the terrible part is you can't see it.

That's why I bring up insane.
Being crazy is a delicate dance on the line between sanity n insanity.
You never notice when you cross that line.

It's all perspective.
I love the twisty digging deep of mental creation.
But I'm to close, I can't see what you are viewing.

Nor do I see what you bring to that viewing as your perspective on my work.
For that matter, I also don't see the obvious insights that some of my creations give you about where my head is at, at the moment.
It's right there obvious as hell, but I'm to busy working on the details to notice.

So I get the look.
Trust me, I don't enjoy getting it.
I thought I was doing great.

The difference between insane n genius is also a fine line.
You are a genius when people accept n understand your thoughts as fresh n unique.
You are insane when those same people do not understand your thoughts n reject them as outside the norm.

Truthfully, none of this really bothers me.
Then again an insane person thinks he's a genius.
In the end we are all judged by our peers.

My good fortune is that since age 19 (47yrs now) I've had Kathy to help me navigate the line between crazy n insane.
She says, step back, you need to filter your thoughts more, I do it.
I enjoy what I do here, it helps me deal with a lot of things, but?

This all came up I believe because of the 2 following posts.
I'm going to share an image that I thought was really clever, but is precisely when I got the sternest look of disapproval I've ever gotten and "The Talk".
Yesterday n even today I can't see the problem, though I don't doubt that there is one.
So why share it? I think because it illustrate better than words what I'm talking about in this post.
I'm sure a year from now I'll be able to see what's wrong with the image, but right now all I see is the cleverness of the creation.

I said last night to Kathy, "maybe it does show where my head is at right now".
Kathy, in shocked expression. "YA THINK!
Nope, I missed it completely.

I bet you a dollar I get scolded again for sharing that image with you.
Then again, The title of this blog is Notes From The Asylum.
So you know................. 

In my defense.
I wonder what Edvard Munch, Edgar Allan Poe, Rod Serling or Stephen King's relatives n loved ones thought of there work.
Did they get the look n "The Talk"? 

by Edvard Munch
Granted, My work is like stick figures to actual Art.
Then again my work is modernistic/minimalist. 
I take what's around me n re-purpose it to express a thought.

I  can see the obvious once it's pointed out, but still try to make the case that it was not my point.

The bigger question.
Why do you do this, write these posts n share these things.
"Normal" people/thought would be, to personal, better to hide this side of yourself.
I don't know, I'm compelled, something inside me say that I should, that writing precisely these things is the right thing to do.

I believe that you instinctively are driven to do things that are where you need to go or what you must do n I trust these instincts.
Instinct was what drove me to become n execute the Pez Outlaw years, because of that when driven to do something, I do not fight it.

That n to be honest.
Posts in the Asylum that do best are when I dig deep.
With this provision.
The best posts are dig deep, but obscure the true meaning.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence

Pez Outlaw Diary

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

That Guy Follows Me Everywhere #pezoutlaw #hollywood

I glanced at a side mirror yesterday n saw my reflection.
Told Kathy, Yeah that guy follows me everywhere.

I wish I could make the head on my new image twitch left n right 45 degrees. 
It just looks like that's what it wants to do.

If I live out my fantasies on facebook n twitter, is that fake news?
Where is the line that defines Reality?
How much affect does mental projection have on the story of our lives.
I rebel against any edict that defines my reality. 

I love a good conspiracy theory.
Are we really going to accept a world where the few decide what we read?
Can you live with others deciding for you what is real n what is not?
There is no line, only my choice to read it or not. 

My personal favorite conspiracy theory over the last year was Hillary Body Double.
How could anyone even dream of denying me the pleasure of that one?
Every since the first spoken words, we've told stories. 
How that Woolly Mammoth came down to a modern fish story.

There is no one truth, only many similar truths.
Our perceptions of things before our very eyes differs greatly.
Realities differ, some would say that they differ greatly.
Who we are, what we are n how we perceive others is not the same. 

City folks love the city, I'd rather be dead than live there.
I'm not right anymore than that city feller is wrong, we just like different things.
We perceive our surroundings differently.

We should all fear censorship by anyone for whatever noble reason that they might give.
Put it all out there n let us decide.
If we don't find it interesting or at the least entertaining, it will wither n die.
Nobody needs to dictate or decide thought for others.

If you support the suppression of speech beware, one day that knock will be on your door.
Life is absurd, can we just get on with it.
My mind belongs to no one.
I intend to piss both sides off.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.
new profile pic captures my essence

Pez Outlaw Diary

I wish I could make the head on my new image ratchet left n right 45 degrees. 
It just looks like that's what it wants to do.


Just did google search on Pez Outlaw movie. Nothing yet. 

Tuesday, February 9, 2016


For management purposes I find it useful to imagine that my mind is made up of not voices but small cartoonish characters each with different opinions on any given matter.
My voice in that crowd is that of management, shushing unhelpful n annoying input.

That's where this blog gets it's name, Notes from The Asylum.
The Asylum is my mind and it's inner workings. 

Sometimes it feels like I'm trapped inside my own head.
Like there's this giant chalkboard in my head with all these characters running around, but nobody has any chalk.

Try explaining this to other people, chances are good that the asylum in your head won't be the only one you're in.
I wish I had any skills as a cartoonist, because I believe this would make a good one. 

How do we get from here to there?
Still crunching the numbers.

Why don't you come out n say hello.
5 minutes later, TMI.
You can leave now. 
True story. 

5 minutes n all I'd covered was the benefit of colds n bee stings.
comparisons of weather in different regions.
Dogs, 80s TV, the circle drive n new horse shed.

Stern look, TMI, you're outa here. 
My work was done.
Back to Murder She Wrote.

Oh there was more, much much more. 
My guys found the chalk. 

OH Yeah n don't you just love that thing Orangutans do with there arms above there head when they feel silly.
My 5 minutes are up. 

OK, so we're back to that.
everything's cooo L. 


After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.

Pez Outlaw Diary

Saturday, February 6, 2016

NAKED DREAM! #pezoutlaw #hollywood

I bet you thought I was gonna talk about ambition or Pez Outlaw after that title.
Nope, this is that old classic that plays out nightly around the world.
Though I doubt many of us have had the TV classic of Naked in front of our class.

Maybe not a lot but often enough.
We all have them, yes I'm talking about the dreams where you are naked.
Don't tell me I'm the only one who has naked dreams, slow n can't get to or catch something or someone or dreams where you fly.

Most of us, including myself watch our dreams passively.
We let these little buggers torment us at will.
Sometimes for me though, I step in n change the script.

I have an eject button I can push at any time I like when dreaming.
The unique thing is my dream conscious knows it. 
If I don't like a dream n want to end it, my character in the dream just closes his eyes real tight n I wake up.

Well last night I had a new one.
My character was walking along in a ditch of a construction site.
While walking I realized I was naked.
I remember thinking, Oh Hell No, Not this again.
I don't know how but I willed a pair of pants n put them on as I was climbing over the edge where people could see me.

Interesting thing was this, I think it took so much willpower to get that pair of pants that I woke up.
I think my subconscious threw me out of the dream for intruding on his domain. 
I'll tell you this though, I was just not in the mood to be humiliated by my subconscious once again last night.
Sometimes you just gotta say Bullshit, not this again, no thanks.

The Joke I guess is.
I even get kicked out of my own dreams because I refuse to just go along with the script as written.

Kathy said that that was an unusual dream, you know to take charge of a dream. 
I don't know about that, I don't think about things like that.
What I do know is that reality can suck n suck a lot, but to be also tormented at night in dreams.
Nope, I'd had enough.

I've been dealing with inner conflict my whole life.
In that conflict someone must take charge.
After a lifetime of this my mind has evolved to this.
That it might manifest in my dreams was admittedly unusual, but then again wouldn't it.

When your young you enjoy sex dreams, lie if you want but we know the truth.
At this age, if I can gain further control of my dreams, I would have more dreams where I fly.
I have flight dreams but nowhere near as often as I'd like.

In Dreams, I used to be able to just lift myself off the ground through a rise in my chest.
Once n only once, I shout like a bat outa hell into outer space, man I'd like to do more of that dream.
You know, dream about flying in space n traveling to the moon.
Walk around on other planets like strolling around the farm.

I can't control life, though through work I can improve my odds.
Dreams though should be under my domain of control.
If I can will a pair of pants in a naked dream, why shouldn't I be able to write more of the script in my dreams.

What I'm saying is that I've slowly gained a conscious foothold in my dream state.
I know I'm there watching while dreaming.
I can eject if I desire n I can will a pair of pants.
I need to raise my consciousness just a bit more in my dreams so I can do things I want to do.

I will admit a downside.
When I woke from that dream where I willed pants, it took a minute to trust reality. 
I've always had my doubts about reality but tin foil hatted that one away.

I believe that I could if I chose have a firmer grip on reality n walk with you more.
Problem is when I'm there I get terribly depressed.
So I choose to walk closer to imaginary than reality.
I choose to see things others don't.
I open up my reality to a perception that suites me. 

That's why things that boggle the minds of some folks don't bother me.
I don't need to understand why, all I need to understand is how to do it.
You do this, then you do that n you get what you want or need.
The why or how it works is just a waste of brain cells.

Anyway, yeah naked dreams, reality etc.
Just that old yarn.
Admittedly there is more to this, but that shit just bores the story. 

When you ask to be friended or follow me, make sure it's what you really want, because I'm relentless in pursuit of my goals.


Pez Outlaw Diary

Friday, February 5, 2016

Hiding #pezoutlaw #hollywood @pezoutlaw

You got a guy, shit round here that's me. 
N I gotta do it for zero to little money.

I'm hiding out, maybe if I look busy I can get out of it.
In the last 3 days, tore down a barn, dug a hole, did a bunch of hay.
Worked yesterday, noon to 11pm.

I don't mind hard work but my body has an issue.
80 degree temps n lots of work, no where near done.
Gotta put the trees in the hole, I don't like burning.

After that I have to rebuild the barn in a new location.
Barn was in a bogg need it up on the hill.
Hell of a deal.

Then I have to change the fence for a new circle drive.
Started the buildup where the drive will be.
That was 5 hrs into a 8 or 10 hr job.

It would seem there's no shortage of work.
Just a reduced amount of energy.
So I'm hiding n looking busy.

Doesn't change a thing though.
Still gotta go out n start again at noon.
140 bales of Hay to put away n push that brush into the hole.

Ah retirement.
Ain't it just everything I imagined.
Need to make that tractor do more n me less.

Billy got to go on the hay run.
Bill thought it was great.
Who's a good Dog.

Jig's up.
I've been spotted.
Every man for himself. 

Maybe if I slip on my Space Patrol Totem Helmet I can get away?
See there, I got 2 out of it. 
Damn near paid for itself. 

I got my lucky pants n my lucky watch on, should be a good day.

When did Burger King Food get so awful.
I thought I was going to be sick.
Haven't eaten there in a year n I will never eat there again
What a shame, I worked there as a kid.

Gotta Go.
Billy Dog just sighed n came crashing into the room.
Fine Billy but gonna be leaning on ya every so often.

Who's a good dog.
Billy's a good dog.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.


Pez Outlaw Diary

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Hazard Bay Horse Arena #pezoutlaw #hollywood @pezoutlaw

Horses are a fight or flight type of animal.
We set up Hazard Bay 1 maybe 2 times a year so people can come in n expose there horses to as much safe crazy as possible.
When riding horse n rider are presented or confronted by many things that could spook your horse.
Hazard Bay is a way to desensitize your horse of things that might spook them in a safe controlled environment.
This setup is free to anybody that behaves themselves n that we even remotely know.

Hazard Bay will be up for about a week.
Hazard bay takes 4 hours to set up with help.

Funny thing is unlike most horses Cowboy thinks this thing is great fun.
Cowboy though is a rare horse, a born leader n I back any play he wants to make.
Boy was born into a rough deal but kept his innocence, kinda the perfect horse.
You can work for years to get just some of what Cowboy/Boy was born with. 
Boy is a Rocky n we got him free as a rescue.

Gabriel says you know whatever. 
Gabe is just laid back by nature, Fjord thing. 

The following are images of the different types of challenges.
Horse people, feel free to share pictures with friends who have Horse Arenas to give them ideas.
If I can help you/them with the how, just ask via my facebook page.
Hazard bay is a lot of work but you/they could make one in your area. 
So please share this post like crazy in the Horse World. 
I'm told these are really good ideas. 
So just ask. 

Almost forgot.
radio or traffic noise CD.
People walking around carrying n opening n closing Umbrellas.
Also white garbage bag filled with no cap water bottles on a rope to drag.

car wash waterfalls, horses walk through 3 in a row
Toilet collar is used to mount to post.

snake pit = cutup garden hose on tarp.

car wash waterfalls
Toilet collar is used to mount to post. 

big pic

general chaos

Flags are made from what remained of an old tent.




general sensory overload

spinners n tarp wall

matress for horses to walk on

big ball to play with or roll by

Hanging barrels that clunk back

Hanging barrels that clunk back

Teeter totter for horses to walk over

Water bottles make a great crushing sound when horses walk on them

Wooden Bridge

Billy Dog Likey

Pez Outlaw Diary

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Acceptance #pezoutlaw #hollywood

I can't control the world or fix it.
All I can do is deal the best I can with what's in front of me. 

I have narrowed my world to the 20 acres that I live on n rarely leave it.
When an animal or one of my dogs does something I find different than my way of thinking, I always say that that's between them n god.

I used to listen to the news till noon almost every day.
I find myself switching over to the Highway or Willies Roadhouse earlier n earlier every day now. 
Even 4 n 8 years ago I got all wound up about politics, no more. 

So what do you do n what can you do?
Honestly all you can control is who you are by trying to be a good person.
Do your job.
If what you have to say will hurt someone, don't say it. 

If every person in the world would just strive to be decent n honest, I figure that would do it.
It seems like every month now something terrible happens.
People get all wound up about stuff that has no real relationship with why we are here.
We are here to do the best we can n then be measured by it.

I no longer join anything n I do not seek the outside world for purpose.
I have more in common with the Amish than regular folks.
You want to live in servitude to false idols n causes, well that's between you n God.
I no longer judge or care, not my job.

I do what needs doin n fix what I can.
I recognize what I can not fix.
My tools are duct tape, zip ties, a drill n a tractor.
I know n accept my limitations. 

Animals bring me joy, I understand them.
People bring me sadness. 
I wish that that were not so but regrettably it is. 
I accept that I can not fix it.

I walk with animals now.
They make sense. 
Humans are to busy for me anymore.

The things I do now concerning the outside world have only one purpose.
To secure my world.
So yes I bang on about Pez Outlaw, but that's only so I can pay the debt that threatens my world.
Once that debt's paid I just don't care anymore.

After Pez Outlaw, I intend to retire.


Pez Outlaw Diary

Monday, February 1, 2016

Hollywood or Bust #pezoutlaw #hollywood @pezoutlaw

I heard a Marx Brothers story about how they set a small fire so the smoke would go under Irving Thalberg's office door, trying to get his attention.I suppose it's not real hard to find the parallel with my actions promoting Pez Outlaw. 

I believe I'm good talking about what I want, just not what's actually happening.
Which by the way is to bad because I think the second thing would be entertaining.

Here we go again.
When I think of Pez Outlaw Goes To Hollywood I always connect imagery of an Abbott n Costello Movie.
Hollywood or Bust Does though remind me of Joshua n I driving all over Europe hunting for Pez n the Pez Warehouses.
Cab drivers leading the way as we followed.
Before we found our destinations we found Shoe Factories.
We found a factory that made a similar product but not Pez.
Finally we set our eyes on the smokestacks in Hungary that towered over OZ.
Slovenia was easy, found Kolinska on the 3rd try.
Kolinska then led straight to Ormoz. 

These trips were Josh n my Abbott n Costello trips.
Definitely Pez Warehouses or Bust. 
Next stop Hollywood for ole Josh n Me.
We'll find it after a few tries, we always do.

When Pez Outlaw is turned into a movie.
I wonder how the story will be told.
Who would play Pez Outlaw?
Though neither matters.
I'd be good with whatever.

Would my world change if a movie was made of Pez Outlaw?
I don't know.
The April Playboy article about Pez Outlaw realistically had zero effect on my life.
Would the effect be different if Pez Outlaw was a movie?

The reason that the Playboy article had no effect beyond the occasional comment that the person in front of me read it is.
I live a life of isolation, Short of the folks that come here to ride horses.
Even then the conversations were very short.
Did you like it? Always Yes. Huh, OK, Good.
Within minute we move on, because you know they came here for horses n the comment was just polite recognition.

Beyond that my life of isolation shielded me from any other ????
I'm sure if Pez Outlaw was a Movie things might get a little weird for a year.
Then again, the only people welcome here are a very select few n all have very good manners.
Outsiders are not welcome. Looky Looo's are shoooed away. I kinda get rude n to the point.

Other than writing here in Notes From The Asylum my life is that of a low level worker here on the farm.
Think of it this way, it'd be like people rushing up on EB from Green Acres like he was some kind of a big deal.
It make for good writing on a half hour comedy like Green Acres, but obserd in the real world.
I'd be willing to bet ya folks would weary of trying to follow old EB while he mows the trails or moves horse manure down the hill.

Pez Outlaw is a very interesting character who lived a decade worth viewing.
Me, I'm just a funny looking old man on a tractor.

I believe what happens to you depends on how you view what's happening.
Things can only affect you if you take them in.

I've seen folks who get all wired tight about Hooo Haaa.
Start thinking that they are a deal.
It does not end well.

Pez Outlaw is the repository for something that happened.
After 15 years I might be his caretaker but I'm a very different person now.
Where Pez Outlaw flew high, I have been humbled.

I will help the various Pez Outlaw Projects in any way I can be useful.
But I will never read the Playboy Article.
I will never read a Pez Outlaw Book after the work of writing it is completed.
I will never go see the Pez Outlaw Movie.
I can't, because I just can not look into Mirrors, it really messes up my mind.
I can only deal with the me I project, I can not deal with the me you perceive.

My brain is a very delicate ecosystem, I've learned how things must go to protect it n I do not mess with that.
The road to who I am today was very difficult, I will not jeopardize all the hard work.

Things needed can be done but must be done a certain way.
Example, I will never talk on a telephone. Kathy will.
I will though talk through facebook.

Travel must be curb to curb, only required stops.
No meals anywhere, except what Kathy hands me.
I need to not be away from my property 1 second longer than absolutely required.
I can't do any of it without Kathy to keep me squared away/for balance.
If you let Kathy help, you will be very happy with the outcome.
Sometimes she has to tell me when I'm messing up.
She does it easily, from others I take it wrong.
You tell her, she smacks me, I'm good.

I can shake other peoples hands but I really would prefer not to.
If handshaking is required, gloves would be nice.

You get me as I am, I do not dress up for anybody.
Meaning I wear sweatshirts n jeans, no exceptions.

Other than that, anything I can do to help.

Pez Outlaw Diary